Why Do You Follow Me?
by CrazyCatMelody
Summary: When the Doctor remembers an Amoran marriage ritual things get more than a little weird for a twelve year old human girl.
1. Chapter 1

I grew up watching him, the Doctor. Turning up out of nowhere, never knowing where he was going or if I would see him again. Sometimes I even thought he was following me. After all he always looked at me casually in passing. Or it at least seemed that way.

My first memory of the Doctor is when I was six years old. I was in class when my deputy headteacher, Mr Hansel came to get me. I was never one for getting into trouble but even so the thought was in the back of my mind. When Mr Hansel opened the door he was there. Standing with his hands in his long coat and smiling. I don't know what for, it wasn't as if I knew what he was doing there I was mouth open in exasperation looking at this man. This tall gangly man in a pinstriped suit, unable to speak because of the shock when he introduces himself.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor."

Now obviously I'm thinking why I need a Doctor and if I do why is he so happy? So I say,

"But I'm not ill." I looked at him, confused. He just smiled uncertainly. He stood with his hands in his pockets.

"I know."

I know? What kind of an answer is that? So I just stand there waiting for him to say something that makes sense.

"I'm here to see you because you're a very special person."

"I'm special?"

He knelt down in front of me, reached out to touch me and stopped. Instead he searched my eyes.

"Oh you're very special, more special than the sun."

I was so confused.

"Why am I special?"

"Just know that you are special and that I'll be around. Look out for me." Then he got up and left

Now I have no idea what he's talking about. I'm six and just been called more special than the sun by a complete stranger. I don't know anything about the sun except that it's very bright. The teacher left the room when I came in so it's just us. Just me and him. I left more confused than when I went in. When I go back to class I don't tell anyone what happened, it's like no one even noticed I'd left. But there was something strange about him. And I had a question. Why was he acting the way my mum did when I asked her where babies came from? A question that would be in the back of my mind for years to come. Though it twisted a bit as I learnt more about relationships while growing up. Then it turned into, why was he acting the same way dad did around mum when he was hiding something? I already knew the answer, or I knew some of it. Actually it was more of a feeling, a deep, early onset, primeval feeling. I just wasn't ready to accept it. Needless to say puberty started a little early. Okay, very early.

* * *

He threw his psychic paper into the teacher's face who had just walked into him. His face changed from annoyed to concerned. The Doctor didn't know what it said yet.

"Ah, please, come into my office."

The Doctor turned his paper around and followed the teacher. It said he was a detective. An interesting choice, it fitted well for the situation.

"Mr Hansel." The deputy head teacher, at least that's what it said on the door, put out his hand and the Doctor took it. "What can I do for you, detective?"

The Doctor thought for a moment. He knew he was in the right place, but he hadn't received a name yet. It came easily when he looked for it.

"I need to see Alicia Bennett. If possible I would like to talk to her alone."

The deputy stuttered, wondering if this was normal police procedure when dealing with children.

"Of course, I'll go and get her. You can use my office, is there anything we should know about?"

"I"m afraid I'm not at liberty to talk about this with anyone else." Not even Rose. Not yet.

The deputy bit his lip. "Yes, well, I'll be back in a moment."

A few minutes later he came back with a small child, around the age of six. The deputy shut the door and as soon as he did the Doctor grinned he couldn't help himself. He couldn't tell a six-year old what had happened, but he could introduce himself.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor."

"But, I'm not ill?"

"I know." What could he say to such a young child about what happened? She was to young, to fragile, and she wouldn't understand any of it yet anyway. So he just said this,

"I'm here to see you because you're a very special person."

"I'm special?"

He knelt down to get a better look at her. He wanted to hold her, his confused little Alicia, and he reached out, but he got the better of himself. He would have touched her except he knew somehow that if he did she would be in great pain. He didn't know what kind of pain or whether it would come straight away, he only knew he shouldn't touch her. Not while she was still so fragile. And it hurt him. It hurt all of him. More than that it scared him. He had to protect her for as long as possible, at least until she wasn't fragile, and as he searched her eyes he knew that it wouldn't be for a few years yet.

"Oh, your very special. More special than the sun." It was hardly just special. In fact the word didn't fit at all, but she was six, she would understand one day. He smiled, she was so cute like this. Innocent and harmless, the exact opposite of himself. It was time to leave, if he didn't he might do something he would regret. He had one last thing to say.

"Just know that you are special and that I'll be around. Look out for me."

Then he got up, told Mr Hansel she would be fine and that he would find his own way out.

"Sir, the exit is that way."

"No, it's not."

When he got back in the TARDIS he sank into the closest shabby seat. Rose looked on unnoticed from the console.

"So, this personal business. Is it over with?"

He hid the surprised jump by leaping to the console.

"Far from it. We're just getting started."

Rose got the feeling that the situation was grave, but she was frustrated that he wasn't telling her anything. Early this morning she'd found him chanting to himself with his eyes closed, seemingly unaware, and since then he'd been acting, different. He'd told her about personal things before when they came up from the past so, why not this time? All he'd said when she'd asked was that he may have done something terrible, or wonderful.

"Where are we?"

"Omaria, or 'mercy'. The people are so obsessed with peace they got rid of marriage and created a ritual which basically makes the two so involved it's impossible to be apart from each other, that's the theory anyway."

"Why are we here?" She asked, curious.

"I need to talk to someone."

Ever since the Doctor had started acting strange he hadn't let Rose out of the TARDIS. She knew she'd be staying behind this time to.

"I'll just stick around here. I'm sure you don't want me getting in the way."

He sighed in relief. "Thanks Rose. I wish I could tell you what's going on but I can't. It wouldn't be right."

With a sorrowful smile he left to walk through domed buildings until he reached a particularly large red one with orange hexagonal windows. The person who answered the door was a blue hominid, completely different to the sandy landscape and red building.

"I need to see Clman."

The hominid shut the door in his face only for it to be opened again by Clman moments later.

"Doctor, oh dear. You'd better come in." The Amorans were telepathic, Clman knew what he was worried about immediately. He took him to a private room with some comfortable looking sofa's.

"What do I do?"

"Would you like a drink, Doctor. Some Mandala tea perhaps?"

He waved it off, he didn't have time for tea.

"I would recommend it in your condition."

He still denied the offer.

"Alright. It would be a good idea to talk to your friend. Rose is it?"

"She understands."

"Apparently not this time. Your lack of communication is frustrating for her."

"Well, I can't tell her. It wouldn't be right for her to find out before Alicia."

"You've already met her then."

"What?"

"You're Guandan, Doctor. You went to see her."

"Alicia. My, Guandan? What's a Guandan?"

"It's a partner, wife, husband, the other half. All very diminutive descriptions of this relationship, and I'm interested to see that so far the urges are not much different from in our own species."

"Urges! What urges? What should I be expecting?" Some Mandala tea would be great about now actually.

"Well, I can't say for sure. I've never seen this in another species but normally the one who took the initiative, that's you Doctor, would be feeling a great territorial protectiveness at the moment, this usually results in anger. Yes, I'd be careful about that if I were you as well."

He didn't mean to let Clman see that. He was remembering what happened the last time he got really angry. It didn't turn out well, for anyone.

"And Alicia? What about her?" Some tea was brought in. The Doctor immediately poured himself a cup. It soothed him easily.

"It would be best to do the Ritual of Allegiance as soon as possible. It is a simple ceremony, you both accept the others presence in your lives and then... You'll find out. It isn't easy to explain, better to experience."

"I would prefer to do it when Alicia would remember what happened. I'll have to find her when she's older and then I'll come back for you." Also, he had a promise to fulfill.

On the way back to the TARDIS he considered telling Rose. He didn't want her to hate him. Not telling her could mean her leaving, but so could telling her, and he would prefer her optimism in all of this. It was decided then, he would try to tell Rose, as gently as possible, what had happened.

* * *

"Do you know how long you've been? I've been sitting here for hours, waiting. I was beginning to think I should have gone with you to keep you out of trouble."

She was sitting with her legs on the console, glaring at him. He watched his face twitch into a smile.

"I'm always in trouble."

Then she watched him walk towards her seriously.

"Rose, I need to talk to you."

She became considerably more serious and waited with bated breath for him to say something else. Which took a a long time.

"You know I told you I had some personal business,"

She nodded.

"And that the Amorans, the people here got rid of marriage?"

Again, she nodded, confused at how the two could possibly be connected.

"When they made that ritual I mentioned, it was universal. Anyone can do it."

"I don't understand."

"All species in the universe can receive the question enveloped in the ritual. But only one person in all those thousands of billions of people will reply."

"I still don't get it." At least she hoped she didn't.

"I... Accidentally, of course, did a m, ma." He looked into her eyes, pleading with her not to make him say it.

"You did a ritual and I'm guessing you got a response." She choked on the words. He looked down in shame.

"Rose, I have no idea what I'm doing."

She knew that really she should be feeling sorry for him and probably whoever was on the other end, but in that moment all she felt was jealousy. They were already taking him away from her and now she knew why, which made it worse. Why couldn't it have been her that answered? Why them? Did they even know what was going on?

"Listen to me, Rose. Things are going to happen and I might have no idea what I'm doing. If I do something, anything out of the ordinary even if it's something really small, anything that concerns you, whether it's against you or not, I need you to tell me. Understand?"

Now she was scared, very scared and pale. What had he learnt on that planet?

"Do you understand?" He almost shouted at her.

"Yes, tell you anything and everything that's not normal. Could you let go of me now Doctor." He had a grip on her shoulders and she wasn't sure if he knew about it. He let go and sighed.

"Sorry." He turned to the console.

"It's fine." It wasn't fine, this was definitely not okay. He scared her, and his voice just now. She knew that voice, but it was never aimed at her before. It was a warning.

"We're going to have to stop having adventure's for a while. Just until this is straightened out enough so that I can control it."

"Control what?" Her voice was shaky. She didn't like this, it was the first time she'd ever considered going home. It was also the first time the Doctor could possibly have been about to attack her. But he needed her and she would never leave while he needed her.

"My anger, and maybe some other things I don't know about yet."

This was wrong, he was losing control. He'd always been able to control his anger, why now? But maybe this wasn't the time to ask questions, not when he could do anything at the wrong word and she didn't know what that word was.

"Who is she? Is it a she?" There were some things she needed to know. It just so happened they were things she wanted to know as well.

"You don't need to know."

"Yes, I do."

He turned on her again and shouted. "Why? Why would you possibly need to know? Why is it any of your business who this is related to?"

"Doctor, calm down." He took a moment.

"Right, yes, sorry." He leaned on the console. "I can't do this, I have to take you home."

"But,"

"I promised your mother I would keep you safe, you're not safe here anymore."

"No, I'm not safe, when was I ever safe with you?"

"You don't understand."

"No, you don't understand! You asked for my help in this. I can't do that from mum's. What if you went and did something stupid because I wasn't there to stop you? You might save me, but if you did something stupid you could also get me killed, so shut up and let me help you."

"And what if I hurt you. What if I don't manage to get through this and I hurt you. You know what I nearly did earlier?"

"And I know that you never will because I know you can get through this. You just need a bit of help. You can control this."

He hesitated. "Alright, I won't take you home." He took his hand off the brake and cancelled the coordinates. Then he punched in some new ones.

"If we're not going home where are we going?" She watched him wipe his hand over his face, clearly trying not to shout at her again. He didn't answer. She tried to stay calm.

"Doctor, tell me what we're doing." She pleaded with him.

"We're going to find her, we're going to follow her, and when she's old enough we're going to go back to Omaria and get the Amorans."

Now she was creeped out. Following people was something she did almost as much as running, but never because of such a reason as this. She started to feel sick. What did he mean by when she was old enough? They couldn't possibly be about to follow a child. He hadn't actually done this to a child!

* * *

He knew he shouldn't have told her, how could she possibly understand the gravity of the situation. It wasn't his fault Alicia was six! It wasn't like he'd never dealt with children before, he was a father once and for as long as he needed it to be he would stay that way with Alicia. He had boundaries, he had morals and he wasn't about to cross them.

* * *

"Doctor, how old is she? Before, right now before we start following her, how old is she now?" He didn't look at her. He didn't raise or lower his voice. He was ashamed about something he couldn't control.

"She's six."

Rose caught her breath. This was impossible. She was overly jealous of a relationship that was formed with a six year old. Worse than that was the kind of relationship. There must be intergalactic laws, not just Earth's laws against this sort of thing.

"No one can ever find out about this."

"Don't you think I know that! Sorry. I, I can't help it." He sighed.

"Yes, you can, and we're not going anywhere until you do. Who knows what could happen to that child with you like this." Who knows what could happen to anyone with him like this! She'd only seen this kind of anger before he regenerated. If she could stop him then, she could stop him now. The sudden reversion was terrifying, but not something she hadn't seen before.

* * *

Rose was right. How could he have even considered seeing her like this?

"Her name's Alicia."

"Good, so, if we're going to see Alicia we need to sort this out first."

He had an idea, and what he was about to suggest was risky, but he'd used it several times before he'd met Rose.

"There might be something that can help." He searched around and produced a bottle. "Lanas oil. It works quickly. It's illegal in most places but if I only use a little bit..." He poured some on his hand and wiped it on the back of his neck.

* * *

"Doctor?" He just stood there, unresponsive. Rose took the bottle out of his hand and helped him to sit down. "A bit much?" He slowly turned his head to look at her. "Yeah, a bit much" The only thing she could think of was to wait it out. It took about an hour before he was lucid enough to do anything and another half hour before she decided they could leave. With only a little of the Lanas oils effect left he was almost back to normal. Two hours later, in a small tea shop he apologized.

* * *

"Sorry, I haven't used Lanas oil in a long time. I forgot how strong it was."

"Next time be more careful."

"Just hope there isn't a next time. Lanas oils a recreational drug not a medicine. It's illegal because it's so easy to cause permanent brain damage." If he was anyone else he should have died the first time he used it. Alicia was here, outside. He turned to look out the window. "There she is."

The crowd was thick with people and Rose couldn't see anyone who should be six years old.

"Where is she?"

He watched her until she was out of sight.

"She's gone now, but I think she saw me."


	2. Chapter 2

After our first meeting was when I started to see him around. He would walk by on the other side of the road or a few times, I saw him having coffee in one of the coffee shops in town.

It wasn't until I was eight he spoke to me again. I was in Shobdon at the time. It was a sunny day as I remember it. I was playing outside when he walked over and took me by the hand. I didn't say anything because there was nothing to say. He walked me over to a large tree just down the lane. I'd never noticed it before but by the tree there was a dry patch and in this patch was a circle of rough stones.

There is a small part missing in my memory but I remember some strange looking people speaking. We were standing in the circle, the Doctor and I. I was staring at the Doctor so my mind was particularly sidetracked. He was looking at me too. I don't know why but he said "To the state I pledge allegiance to my wife." though it could be beloved, I'm unsure. The strange people asked me to say the same thing. That's where my memory fails me and next time I would see him again would be four years later.


	3. Chapter 3

There is always a new chapter of life though, isn't there. My last visit from the Doctor was a few weeks ago. I was on a trip with some of my old friends. Four years and then suddenly here he is. A man with no right to be in my life. A man from a few, long lost memories. I knew he was there before I saw him. I think he was trying to hide, but it wasn't working. I was surprised nobody else saw him, he'd been following me since we left the house and where I was staying was 115 miles away.

It was a really quick turn around when I got the invitation. The trip was taking place that weekend. So I packed my bags and waited. I didn't know who would be there but I was looking forward to finding out. We were staying in a barn like building built for groups, it had bunks. As soon as we had finished settling in we set off for the cinema.

It was a weird place, the cinema. It was set up inside a small bakery and some run down buildings. The bakery itself was nice enough and had been incorporated into the cinema, it looked as though it had been refurbished recently and had two stalls. We all bought a few cakes and went down the corridor to screen seven. I got the feeling he was waiting so, I pretended to go and get some more food. I was right. He was standing behind the far stall serving a few other customers There were a few chairs in the bakery so I decided to sit there for a while. He appeared behind me just as I was about to sit down. He whispered in my ear.

"It's been a long time."

At first I was frightened, but as soon as he spoke I was fine, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He had softly put his hand on my neck, it was warm and safe. Nothing could hurt me in that embrace. I decided to stay standing for a while. No one was looking, actually we were the only ones left in the room, so no one would think I was in danger.

"Why do you follow me?" I whispered. He was so close to me, I should have been unnerved.

"Don't you remember? Did we not say the words 'to the states I pledge allegiance to my beloved."

I caught my breath and immediately tensed. I remembered. But what did those words mean to him? What had I done when I was eight years old? I broke his embrace and turned around. He stepped back.

"Yes. I remember."

"That is why I visit you." He was still fairly close.

What was happening? I couldn't think of any reason why there would be a need for allegiance.

"I don't understand, what has that got to do with you following me?"

"Imagine two people getting married."

"You're saying I married you!" I moved towards him, angrily and he backed away.

"No! Listen, think of marriage and then think of wanting a partner but not realising you have one already, like soulmates. It's like, we accepted that the other is there. More of a protection sort of thing. We didn't say any of the vows you would normally say, in fact we didn't say any vows at all. We just pledged allegiance to each other in front of the Amoran." I am now in complete shock. None of that made sense.

"Why did you pledge allegiance with me." He sighed.

"This is going to take a while. Why don't we take a walk?" I thought about it. This wasn't something I wanted to talk about in public, so I agreed. Someone could walk in at any moment.


	4. Chapter 4

So we left the bakery and walked for a while. He was right, it did take a while. I had so many questions; who are the Amoran, why me and how the heck does this allegiance thing work.

Doesn't an allegiance work both ways? I'm still confused on how he answered that. I had a little head way with the Amoran because I saw them when we pledged allegiance. But who they were, that's another thing altogether. And of course the question of all questions, why on earth (and apparently everywhere else) did he choose me.

Allegiance seems to be much more complicated. I really don't know what it's got to do with us. I must have done something to seal the deal before we pledged allegiance otherwise we couldn't have done it. What did I do, that's what I want to know. Which also begs the question why did he choose me in the first place?

"Well I didn't choose you. Not as such."

"What do you mean, this happened by accident?" I'm not sure whether I want to be angry or not. Okay, he said something about soulmates, but soulmates aren't accidents.

"Yes, and no..." He's beginning to look very uncomfortable.

"So it was an accident then. Honestly, to find out I'm married, at eight years old I will add, is one thing but to then be told it wasn't on purpose!" No I am definitely angry.

"We're not married."

"We're connected in a way no other two people are, in some kind of 'couple' relationship that can't be broken. In my books that's married Doctor." At least he looks guilty about it. "How do you even know these Amoran people anyway. Where are they from?"

The Doctor explains that he is an alien, which nearly makes me faint as you can imagine, and that he flies around in this blue police box he calls a 'TARDIS'. I'm married to an alien who travels space and time. How would you feel if you were me? He then takes me to his time traveling spaceship. I have to admit I was swayed by the cool techie things and the larger on the inside than the outside thing.

"So now you've told me a bit about yourself please continue to these other aliens who married us."

The Doctor sighed and once again told me that we are not married. I disagree.

"The planet Mercy, where the Amorans come from explained their, uh marriage system to me. The Amorans don't have a strict marriage system anymore because, to keep peace which is the most important thing on their planet, if someone had a problem within their marriage that would no longer mean peace. Allegiance, which is what we have done, doesn't replace it, its only part of it. The whole thing is called ''Mathe" or change. The allegiance part is all about protection. I was remembering all this which must have been when I went to far."

"Hence the accident?" He nodded."Please, tell me about what this accident involved." He seemed so embarrassed. I don't know why but it was making me laugh.

"Do I have to?" I can't imagine him saying anything like that to any other being that exists. He's to confident (and dare I say a little full of himself).

"We're married now, of course you do."

"I secreted a hormone specific for allegiance." I laughed more as he blushed. "It's not funny."

"It is from where I'm sitting. Okay so tell me more" I managed to calm myself to a small giggle every now and then. "Don't look so worried, I don't want to know any more about your body than necessary. At the moment." Every audible moan of relief escaped him.

The Doctor took a deep breath before he replied. "Everyone, even on other planets, can sense the hormone, Even if they don't realise it, but only one person answers. I do mean whatever sex when I say everyone. Some species don't even have different sexes." He added as an after thought.

Its my turn to feel embarrassed. "I'm guessing that I am the person who decided to... What exactly did I do?"

"That is a good question that I don't know the answer to, but I did get an answer somehow and as soon as I saw you I knew it was you."

Now I was definitely confused and so was he by the looks of it.

"If you don't know how I answered you how did you find me?"

"I'm still not entirely sure. It's as though I just knew how to find you. It only took a few hours."

"You know I was six when that happened."

"That doesn't matter. Apparently you can be any age to, as the Amorans put it, gain allegiance."

"Which means..."

"Which means we're going to find the Amorans and find out what to do next."

I panicked in this new tin can. "This is safe isn't it. You know what you're doing?"

"I'm over nine hundred years old, of course I know what I'm doing."

"Says the person who gained a wife on accident." I point out. Did he just say he's over nine hundred years old?


	5. Chapter 5

Going on my first ride in the TARDIS wasn't smooth but it wasn't what was worrying me the most at the moment. My hands gripped the edges of my seat until my knuckles were white but in my head 'I'm going to kill him' was circling around. Eventually the whirring stopped and I began to breath again. The Doctor waved me over to his security screen.

"They look surprised to see us. Come out when I tell you to."

So he stepped out of the doors while I watched from inside. I saw the same people I saw when I was eight, they were blue, and scaly. The Doctor made some sort of sign and began to speak.

"As you know from when we were last in touch I have made my allegiance with my Guandan. We have come to you now to find out more about the allegiance we have made."

"You say you have your Guandan with you, where is she?"

The Doctor signalled for me to come out. I opened the door and went over to the one person I was currently willing to murder.

"You must have many questions, both of you. Please, come inside and we will talk in private." We entered the room in silence. "Take a seat. The first thing you want to know is what is the allegiance, yes?"

"They're telepaths" whispered my apparent partner. I gulped and tried to apologize.

"No matter. The allegiance begins when the two Guandans accept the others presence into their lives. I'm getting to that part. From then on there is a link between them. It is formed by a desire to protect the other from harm."

I haven't had...

"The link isn't always prominent in both directions but I can tell you it is there."

I looked up at the Doctor. "You've been doing more than just stalking me haven't you." My voice was low and controlling. He looked down at me.

"Yes, a lot more."

The Amoran butts in again. "It seems he didn't know why he wanted to do some of it."

I'm a little surprised at that and I'm beginning to feel like I'm at marriage counseling. I've also noticed that my partner has gone red again. I try to change the direction of the subject slightly but I'm probably right in thinking this is going to make him more embarrassed again.

"The Doctor told me some of how this started but could you explain it to me as well?" I'm trying to be gentle and I think the Amoran understood that.

"To enable allegiance one of the Guandans must first enter into a type of, for want of a better word meditation. This meditation, when done correctly allows the person who induced the ritual to send out a hormone which isn't usually excreted. The hormone may be stronger or weaker depending on how well the meditation ritual was achieved. As for yourself however, the final recipient and the one who replies to the message also excretes an unusual hormone specific to themselves. The original Guandan then follows this person's hormone to find the source, whether as in this case, they realise what they have done or not. It appears to me that because your Guandan didn't know what had happened to begin with some of his actions may seem... unaccounted for. Since he doesn't know much about our culture, forgive me for saying so but it is true Doctor, these actions are somewhat irregular."


	6. Chapter 6

Now that my bodily functions had been explained to me in slightly more detail I thought about the real reason we were here. We had come to this lovely planet of Omaria to find out more on what was going to happen. I didn't realize that, being twelve and expecting some strange new bodily occurrences anyway, I would now have to deal with other bodily functions no one is ever supposed to deal with. Unless you're Amoran.

The Amoran had given us some time to talk about what we had just learned. If I was honest I would have preferred not to be in a room by myself with my new not quite husband however much he made me relax when we weren't talking about ourselves. I then realized that he hadn't touched me since we were in the cinema and that since then I had been getting steadily more irritated and emotionally unstable, not that I hadn't the reason to. I just wondered whether it had something to do with our new situation. Then I began to think of all the times I had seen the Doctor, out of all of them that was the only time he had touched me. Not even when I was eight and this became official had he got that close. I shivered, what was going on to make me feel like this?

"You must hate me." The noise made me jump. I'd forgotten there was someone else in the room.

"Not really. Yes I hated you and this is mostly your fault but I did answer didn't I. And if I hadn't agreed to do that ritual when I was eight less of this would have happened. So, in a way we're equally responsible." I had to smile a little when the corner of his mouth lifted. I wondered what he was feeling. If I was feeling emotionally unstable was he feeling the same way? "So what have you been doing for the past four years, protector?"

"Just making sure that Earth hasn't been invaded by dangerous aliens who want to overtake the human race, that kind of thing."

"Wow, all I've done is go to school." Another small smile escaped the Doctor.

"Does that really matter when I just want you to be alive and unharmed?" He put out his hand and touched my finger. He quickly pulled away again when I made a kind of shudder. It was like a light had been turned on and straight back of again. For just one moment I had felt like crying from shear happiness. I felt tears on my face, just one or two, but as soon as he pulled away it stopped. I was curious about that happiness. I reached over and took his hand again, I held on when he tried to pull away because now I had no way to stop the tears. Something had changed in the way I felt towards him. It was as if I had to touch him to know he was safe. To know that it really was him and that he was alive. It was then that I realized there was one way to stop my tears only I didn't want to let go of him.

Tentatively the Doctor sidled a little closer to me. "Why are you crying?" He whispered. He looked genuinely concerned but he also had no idea what he was doing.

"I don't know" I got out through great sobs. "I'm just so happy you're here. You're here and I'm here and we're both together and that makes me happy. But if you let go I know I won't be happy anymore and I'll stop crying." Then he put his arm around my shoulder again and I stopped crying, but this time because I was in some amazing calm that only comes with him. I didn't need to worry about him pulling away anymore.

"We don't want you to be unhappy do we?"

"No" was all I could whisper back.


	7. Chapter 7

Now that we'd found out about allegiance it was time we learned about it in our own way. Unfortunately for me this meant that all to often I would have to be parted from my new obsession. At least I could pass some of the mood swings off as puberty. Some of the other symptoms were a little more difficult to deal with. For one thing most human girls don't have different smells depending on what mood they were in. Thank goodness deodorant exists. Luckily the Amoran had told me this would happen so I could be prepared. My parents started to send me to the school counsellor once I began to cry in my sleep. The counsellor didn't help at all because I had to make up stories about why I was there. I finally gave up when I got a purple rash on my back and decided this had gone on long enough and it was time the Doctor visited me again. He had given me a phone to contact him in emergencies. This was definitely an emergency.

"No I am not in danger. You have a time traveling machine you are basically on call. Look just get here, okay!" Needless to say my irritability hadn't got any better. I was now a master at faking illness so it was easy for the Doctor to find me at home without anyone to bother us. As soon as I shut the door behind him he had one hand on my shoulder and the other held mine. My whole body began to relax. We stood there for a minute before I remembered we had a sofa in the living room we could sit on. When we sat down he moved so that his arm was draped around my neck but he was still holding my hand. I leaned into his side and fell asleep. It was the best sleep I'd had in ages and when I woke up I realised my back had stopped itching as well. I just needed some time with my Guandan. "Don't leave it so long next time." He looked down at me.

"How does next week sound?" I relaxed again and he smiled. He might need to protect me but he doesn't seem to know I need him to be safe too.

After many weeks of these secret meetings it was getting easier to control the symptoms. It worked both ways as well, I could make sure my Guandan was safe and he could make sure whatever strange things he was doing out there were keeping me safe. He tried to tell me one of his adventures once but it was just so physically painful I had to get him to stop. From now on telling me about fall outs with Silurians were out of the question. I found out that he often travels around with female companions. For some reason I have no problems with that and I'm much happier to know that he's not on his own all the time. Some of them actually sounded like really nice people.

* * *

"Help me!" It was all I could think while I held my wrist up in pain. It felt like someone had lit it on fire and wouldn't turn down the heat. I was now thirteen and had managed to get to the girls toilets at school. There wasn't any room for embarrassment, there was to much pain. I could only hope the Doctor could hear me.

For some reason the Doctor had the urge to look at his psychic paper. It said 'help me'. It wasn't difficult to work out where it had come from. "We're taking a detour. There's someone your going to have to meet, Martha."

Tears ran from my eyes as I saw my Guandan run from his box barely turning to lock the toilet door behind him. I saw a woman walk out the door as well. He asked what was wrong and held my shoulder as usual. "It won't stop burning, please help me!" Tears were still in my eyes and not even the Doctor was able to stop the pain. I thought being close to him would stop it but nothing happened. Nothing unusual, for us.

It was almost like feeling her pain watching his Guandan like this. In fact, he was starting to feel something on his own wrist. It was dull at the moment but he had made his decision. He lifted her off the floor and half carried her into his police box. "Doctor whats going on?" It was Martha. The Doctor hadn't told anyone about his Guandan. He never expected any of his companions to see her, especially not like this. "I don't have time to explain." He hissed when he touched his wrist. "That detour I mentioned? It's about to get longer. We're going to visit Omaria." This was just one more of the many places Martha had never heard of and didn't understand what going to Omaria had to do with picking up a thirteen year old who apparently trusted the Doctor with her life.


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor was hissing, I was almost screaming in pain and Martha was watching as the Doctor ran around the controls trying to get us to Omaria as quickly as possible. The pain was intense and unpredictable. It would move from one area to the next, sometimes it was in a ring, sometimes a wave but it was always the same wrist. It was probably seconds before we arrived but it felt like forever. I was thankful when the Doctor told Martha to stay behind.

"I turned off the screen and locked it" He said behind gritted teeth when we left. The Amorans were waiting for us again, just our luck that they're telepaths. I think they were a bit shocked at how much pain we were in. They took us inside, I have no idea what they did but it dulled the pain enough so that I could lay my hand in my lap without crying out.

"What is going on not" I tried to be polite but it came out as more of a growl.

"You are beginning to enter the primary stages of the telepathic links. We call it the Mathe, or Change."

"Great, exactly what I wanted to know." I felt irritable, like the last time I was here except that I wasn't angry this time. This time I seemed to feel that my Doctor was in pain.

"You are getting the right idea. It is similar to allegiance except some of the symptoms will change or you may get new ones. It will be easier to tell when the other person is in danger now. As for the telepathic side of it both of you will feel when the other is in danger. You will feel pain, fear and other emotions associated with being in danger to give you a better ability to protect the other. You may want to live together for a while to get use to how each other react in certain situations."

"I can't live with her on Earth!"

"And I refuse to live in a tin can."

"It is not a tin can. You can't even imagine how amazing it is. You haven't even left the control room yet."

Our wrists started to burn again.

"Is there any way we can stop this burning at the very least."

The Amoran who was in charge looked at our now raw arms. "Until you begin to get used to this situation that will keep happening. It will calm over time."

I put my head in my hands. "You mean until we stop shouting at each other and decide on some way of living with each other I'm going to have to live with an arm that looks like it's got third degree burns!"

The Amoran made a face only an Amoran can and simply stated "Yes."

* * *

"This is all your fault." I pushed open the door of the TARDIS.

"I didn't know this was going to happen."

"You didn't have to, you've basically kidnapped me!"

"We never said you had to live here."

"Well how are you going to stay at my home, sleep under the bed?"

"yes, well..."

"I want to go to bed. I'm guessing you have a spare bedroom in this thing?"

"Martha could you?" I'd forgotten Martha was there. She would definitely have questions. I glared at the Doctor for not taking me himself and followed Martha down some stairs. I lost all sense of direction after a while. This place really was bigger than I'd thought. When she finally opened a door to a room it was nice. Strangely decorated but nice.

"I sleep next door. It's a long way from the control room but the swimming pools not far away."

"He has a swimming pool?" I muttered.

Martha saw my arm. My sleeve had slipped, I was still in my school blazer. "I might be able to help you with that if you want. I was training to be a doctor before this." I smiled at the irony.

"That's funny. It really hurts." I said looking back down at my arm.

"Why were you having an argument about living arrangements?" I sighed as I took off my blazer.

"It's a really long story because I'd have to start at the beginning."

"Where's the beginning?"

"When I was six." Martha did very well at hiding her surprise, that or it had been lessened with her time with the Doctor.

"Huh, so what happened when you were six?"

"Nothing really, at least I didn't think so at the time. It was the first time I met the Doctor. He came to find me. I had no idea who he was but when I met him he just said he was the Doctor and that I was more special than the sun. That's it. The next time I saw him I was eight."

Martha had finished bandaging my arm and had sat down on the bed beside me. "What did you mean when you said you thought nothing had happened when you were six.?"

"I'll get to that soon. The strange things started to happen when I was eight. I was just playing outside and he turned up out of no where. I didn't think anything of it but he didn't say anything this time, not until later. All he did was get me to follow him. So I did. That was the first time I saw the Amorans."

"Who are the Amorans?"

"They live on Omaria. They're blue and scaly. Anyway they were wearing these robes but I didn't take any notice of them. So me and the Doctor were standing in this circle of stones and they asked us to say 'I pledge my allegiance to my beloved."

"Beloved?" Martha stopped just listening then. Her face was shocked. "So what does that mean? Did he marry you?"

"I'm still trying to work that one out to be honest. I didn't really remember that properly until I was 12, about a year ago now. I'd started seeing him all over the place after the first time we met, like he was following me but after I was eight I didn't see him for four years. Then I went on this trip with some friends and he was there. We were at this cinema I'd never been to before but he was there. Eventually we were alone in the entrance and he walks over to me. He puts his hand on my neck and whispered that it had been a long time in my ear. It should have been creepy but it wasn't."

"It sounds creepy to me. I'm beginning to think of him differently now."

"Yes, it's weird but he's not a paedophile. This is where things get more complicated but it answered a lot of my questions like what the heck had been going on for the past six years. The first one was why he was following me, even though he hadn't for four years. He just told me to remember us saying our allegiance to one another, so that didn't really answer my question. You know you asked if we got married? He tried to get me to imagine people getting married but it turns out it's nothing like that at all."

"So what is it like?"

"Well neither of us had any idea what was going on and the Doctor let it slip that it was all an accident."

"That's one big accident."

"Yep. We had a whole argument about it. So that's when I first found out about allegiance and I was thinking, well doesn't an allegiance work both ways. I'm pretty sure the Doctor had no idea what he was talking about because that's when I had my first ride in this tin can." Martha laughed when I called it a tin can.

"The TARDIS is going to hate you. It's got a personality of it's own this ship." Since when did ships have their own personalities? I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, okay so allegiance. This is where it gets embarrassing for both of us." I turned pink at what I was about to say. I could feel the Doctor knew something was up too. "The Doctor and I were physically connected. It uh." I looked at the door. The Doctor had turned up in the doorway. Martha looked up as well.

"Do you have to go into that much detail?" I turned from pink to red. I hadn't really known what I was about to say anyway. Now I didn't need to say anything. He looked towards Martha and said quietly. "Some strange things happened and now some more strange things have happened. That's all you need to know."


	9. Chapter 9

Living with the Doctor and Martha wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I missed my family and I missed my friends but I also knew that none of them would understand if I tried to tell them what was going on. I couldn't imagine how they must be feeling, I was probably on the missing persons list by now. My burn was almost gone now that we weren't so far apart all the time. Martha seemed quite interested in that, it was probably some kind of miracle to her. If this was the real world I would have scars covering my arm but this wasn't real life, not for anyone else and this wasn't a normal burn. Even the way it healed wasn't normal. It faded into separate rings around my wrist and then one or two of them would disappear overnight.

I was beginning to have insomnia. It was probably because of the nightmares. Sometimes I would know them as my own, other times I questioned whether they were or not. It came to the point where every night I would wake up to find the Doctor in my doorway.

"Nightmares again?" I nodded. I was exhausted.

"Do you ever sleep?"

He didn't answer straight away. "No."

"Why?"

"Nightmares."

It was times like these that I was glad I wasn't alone in life. I didn't have to explain myself because he already knew. On Earth there were only counsellors and pills. I didn't need pills, I needed him. Even if it was his fault we were here I kind of liked it. He walked over to the bed and climbed on. Some things may have changed but whenever he was with me I could sleep without nightmares, he probably felt a little better to.  
I knew Martha watched us sometimes. The way we were around each other, it was something no one but us would ever experience. Having Martha there was good for both of us I think.

* * *

Martha found me in the library but I wasn't reading. I was feeling depressed and she could tell. She walked over to me and sat down.

"It's my birthday today. I'm fourteen." I stared at the wall in front of me. Normally on my birthday I would go out with my family. This time my family didn't even know if I was alive. "I'm fourteen and I'm basically married to someone who's over nine hundred years older than me. Some life I've got."

"He really cares about you you know."

I sighed. Of course I knew, it's how this whole allegiance thing worked. Martha didn't know that though so I just nodded.

"I saw you both last night. I think it's the first time I've seen him sleep."

"I didn't think he ever slept."

"I think he does, when he's with you." I didn't know. He was always awake when I woke up. I smiled at the thought that I was in some small way a help to him.

"I guess he's the only family I've got now."


	10. Chapter 10

With Martha gone we found it difficult to keep going. Things were still changing between us. It was getting harder and harder to be a part from each other but at the same time we were sharing memories by accident that we never wanted to share. Sleeping in the same room had become normal otherwise we would share each others nightmares. If one of us was in pain we both were, sometimes it was difficult to work out who was in pain first but I had the feeling it was usually me. Staying distracted was getting difficult, we were obsessed with each others safety checking up on each other every five minutes. It felt like we were beginning to turn into one person.  
When I was still on Earth I was content for him to visit just once a week. Now it was like I had to have him every day. I needed contact, I needed him to touch me. I found if he was restless all I had to do was find his inner elbow. He wouldn't let me do it very often. I wish he would, he leaves it to long before I'm allowed to touch him. He tries to hide from me but I think he knows I can feel the difference when I touch him, just like when he touches me. It's like a drug. We've become addicted to each other.

I find him in the control room, just as I knew I would. "Here, let me." I move towards him but he pulls away. "You know you'll feel better if you let me do it. I'll feel better to." He sighs and pulls up his sleeve. I kneel down to where he's been working and let my fingers dance over his elbow. He relaxes immediately. His whole body shifts and I know if I do it to long that he'll fall asleep. That has happened before, to both of us. I feel more restful in myself as well. It's been two weeks since he let me touch him last. I don't know if he's trying to make up for something but what I do know is that he's torturing himself inside. I stop just before he gets to tired and sit next to him. "You leave it to long. One time it's going to be to late and we'll be no good to each other."

He sighs in his half wakened state. "I know. I shouldn't do that to you."

"You shouldn't do it to yourself either."

"I can't help it."

"Why not? You say that every time but you never tell me why."

"You're to young, you shouldn't know."

"I'm fifteen and I've been you're Guandan since I was eight. You need to tell me." He considered it for a few minutes.

"I'm a murderer." I can tell that's not quite true.

"That's not it is it. Tell me more." He sighed resignedly.

"There was a war. It was huge, you wouldn't be able to imagine it. It was between my people and the Daleks. There were to many deaths, I couldn't see a winner and I took it upon myself to end the war."

"That's the simple version isn't it."

"The main point is that I murdered thousands of people."

"So you're going to make up for that by not letting me help you when you most need it? I don't think that's going to do anyone any good. Especially not us."

My Guandan went silent and refused to tell me any more. I was lucky to have him say this much. I could tell he was about to fall asleep and got him to go to bed. I got in the bed as well.


	11. Chapter 11

It's always different waking up when I've touched the Doctor. He's always still asleep as though I've knocked him out. It's nice to just watch him though because it doesn't happen very often and it's the only time he's completely calm. I wonder if he watches me when it's the other way around. He's a mystery. A mystery that I want to know everything about. In time perhaps I will. The moment he starts to wake up I know. I can feel something like a reboot. I get tingles all through my torso and neck. By the time he opens his eyes I'm tingling all over, like there's two of me. I expect he feels the same thing every day. I get a smile from him when he's fully awake. He's pleased to see me. He always is.

"Do you want to get some chips?" He asks me.

"Chips? Where from?"

"I was thinking Birmingham, 21st century. I know a good place."

"Sure. Chips sounds great."

I find something to wear, a t-shirt and jeans. I hear the whirring sound that means we've arrived.

"Ready to go?" He calls down the stairs. I rush up to meet him. I'm definitely ready to see Birmingham again. Once we've got the chips we walk around aimlessly. With no where to go we find a bench to sit on. It's not long before a police officer turns up.

"Is your name Alicia Bennett?" I freeze, I haven't been called that in two years. It's not long before I notice the pictures of me. "We had an anonymous call saying someone had seen a girl that looked like this young woman." I turn to the Doctor. Hopelessly it seems.

"Yes."

"I'm going to have to ask the both of you to come with me please."

When we arrive the officers have to force us apart because I cling so hard to the Doctor. They take me to a questioning room.

"Who was that man you were with Miss Bennett?"

I can't be away from him. I don't know where they took him, I, I...

"Who is he?"

"I want him back. I want him back now!" I hit the table forcefully.

"Alright, where have you been for the past two years?"

I begin crying. "We only went to get some chips."

"Please Miss Bennett if you can give us any information..."

"Give me my Guandan!" I scream at them. "He's restless, I can tell and I know it's because I've gone missing. He needs me." I whimper.

"What is a Guandan Alicia?"

"You would never understand." I spit at him. I try to tell him I'm alright, that they haven't hurt me but I don't even know if he can hear me.

I didn't tell the police anything, they would think I was crazy whether I told the truth or not so I just let my emotions run to stay in touch with my Guandan. My missing Guandan. Then come the nightmares. I've been kept in this room all night so eventually, with nothing to keep me occupied except the fear of being without my Doctor I fell asleep. I scream all the time I am asleep and shout nonsense all the time I am awake. I'm all over the place. Outside the door I hear other doctors and officers suggesting he must have done terrible things to me to be having tremors like these but they have it all wrong. I need him. I need him to be with me, to touch me. I need to touch him.  
The doctors take me away to some mental hospital. It's hard for me there. They give me high doses of pills but they don't help much. The rash on my back has come back and my wrist has begun to burn. It won't stop burning. It only gets worse. Then the lines begin to form on my wrist where it burns, circles of flesh that are to distinct to be from a fire. My other wrist burns too but it's the lines my Guandan is receiving on his arm. The nightmares don't stop and the insomnia gets worse. Where is he? I know he is coming for me and I know it is difficult through all the pain and the fear but I know he is there.

He is there. I can't see properly but I'm sure he is there. He holds out his sleeveless arm keeping the other on my neck and I rub his inner elbow with my fingers. We both begin to breath slower. It would have been better if no one was here to see this but it's not our fault they kept us apart. We keep together in this way until we fall together into a long sleep. A sleep without screaming, without nightmares. Where neither of us can tell if the other is much better because we're both knocked out from the others touch. If one of us died we wouldn't know at the moment.  
I think we woke up at the same time. I felt the usual electric energy I get when he wakes up from my touch. We were still in my cell at the mental hospital, we must have been in to much relief to think of moving once he found me. I don't know how long we were there but I felt something like I had died and woken up of the burn lines had gone and I saw he had my burns on his other wrist as well. The Doctor held his head against his hand. "We should move." he groaned. It was then that I noticed the TARDIS was in my room and there were nurses speaking through the door. We picked ourselves up and got in. We left just as the nurses entered. As soon as we could we made our way back to the bedroom to finish our nap. "No chips next time." I muttered before I fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

I don't really know what I'm looking for. I've been hiding my project from the Doctor, mostly because I am extremely interested in his anatomy all of a sudden. Every brain cell, nerve ending and blood platelet. I want to know everything. I also have the feeling that I'm looking for something in particular but I don't know what that is. To much of this information seems the same as the human body. I checked against everything I could find about the human body. So much of it is the same. This wasn't what I was expecting.

"Your not going to find anything in all that." Great, he found me.

"And why not?" I smiled up at him.

"Because I locked it." He grinned mischievously. I scowled.

"You locked it! I thought I could look at everything on this ship."

"It wasn't always locked. You just haven't been talking to me enough."

"You knew exactly what I was looking at didn't you." So everything I read could be false. "I've been in here for weeks! You could have just asked me to talk to you."

"You wouldn't have talked to me about this though..." My mouth was open so I shut it.

"You want me to ask you about this stuff?" His face contorted into a half smile. "You come sit here with me then Doctor and we'll get started." I patted the seat next to me. I feel like we're going to talk about where babies come from.

"What do you want to know?" He places his hand on my shoulder, that makes it easier and less embarrassing some how.

"Why do you have two hearts?"

"Why not? Only having one heart working is like you having half a heart working. It causes problems, but not the same ones."

"It's weird but sometimes I feel like I've got three."

"Me too." We're quiet for a moment, listening to our own hearts."

"I can feel yours going really quickly, why do they do that?"

"We evolved that way. Do you have a question that's going to be more interesting than that?"

"Well you think of something to tell me, you know I don't know much."

"Your body temperature is a lot hotter than mine."

"You're supposed to be that cold!" He laughed.

"Yes."

"What about what I was reading, was any of that real?"

"Most of it was true. I did take some things out and I did change some of the other information too."

"Explain?"

"The general cell structures are the same. My cells can completely regenerate if I am mortally injured. I took that bit out."

"Completely as in there's a brand new one there that replaces the old one?"

"No, completely as in there's a completely different person standing in front of you."

"I don't think I like that."

"I didn't think you would. Hopefully that'll never happen, I don't know what would happen to you if it did."

"I don't want to think about it."

* * *

The Doctor was usually fine with what changes were going on between the two of them but when he saw Alicia's burn marks on his own arm he started to worry that it wasn't just pain anymore. Remembering what the Amoran had said about primary telepathic links he wondered if they had gone past that. If some of the damage that happened to either one of them did happen to the other then what would happen to her if he ever needed to regenerate. His cells basically exploded and reassembled themselves. If he ever needed to do that she could die.


	13. Chapter 13

It was time for another one of our serious conversations. They don't happen very often but they are nearly always to do with us. And if it's about us then it means one of us has noticed something big has happened that we should both know about concerning our connection. I got the feeling that this was going to be one of the worse conversations.

"Do you remember when we went to get chips?"

"and I was taken to a mental hospital and we slept for three days? Yes, I don't think I could forget."

"You remember we had each others burn marks on the opposite arm to our own?" I nodded. "Did you get those marks the first time that happened?"

I tried to remember two years ago when I had to psychically call the Doctor to my school. My arm had really hurt but nothing happened to the other one.

"No, they weren't. What are you thinking?" He pulled out a needle and stuck it in his finger. "What did you do that for it hurts!" He was looking at my own finger. It had blood on it. I looked back up at him, scared now.

"Sorry. I hope I'm right." He mumbled. "Give me your hand." I was about to stick said finger in my mouth but gave it to him knowing he would only stick the needle in his finger again otherwise. He pulled out a tissue, wiped my finger and took it over to a microscope. "It's my blood."

"What do you mean it's your blood."

"When I stuck the needle in my finger and blood appeared on your hand. It wasn't your blood, it was mine." My nose wrinkled.

"So if I stab my hand my blood should appear on your hand?"

"Yes. You try it."

I winced at the idea of sticking a needle through my finger but I did it anyway. When I pulled it back out there was blood on my hand. There was also blood on his hand. He checked again and it was my blood on his hand.

"Does this mean I've just lost twice the amount of blood?" I stuck both the bloody fingers in my mouth. One with my blood on it, one with the Doctors.

"I don't think so. If we cut our fingers of we can't lose two of the same finger."

"What if something like that did happen, would the other person lose their finger too or would we still just get the pain as usual?"

"That's what we need to find out. If there was an injury that can't be replicated..."

"Maybe we would only get a part of the injury. Or what if the point is that we're supposed to take on some of the injury so that the other person can heal quicker. Or something?" He looked at me like I was starting to talk nonsense. I found it quite offensive.

"At the moment we only know about minor, external injuries. But how do we find out about internal injuries?" He ran a hand down his face. Then he kicked the wall.

"Can you not do that? Now I'll get your bruise on my foot."

"Sorry." He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "I've come up with something but your not going to like it."

"Well, if it works..."

"I'm going to cut through my arm and see how much it affects you."

"That's crazy!"

"Do you want to do it?" I moaned.

"No." So he left the room and came back with a thin sharp object.

"I'm going to do this slowly so I can stop earlier if we need to."

"Earlier? How deep are you planning on going!"

Instead of answering he thrust the object into his arm and blood immediately began to form on mine, I could just about see a cut opening through the blood.

"Stop!" I screamed at him. He came over and I saw the cut on his arm was deeper. That was probably a good thing. I watched as what must have been my own blood mix with his blood.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

* * *

I was looking at the scar on my arm. It healed quicker than it should have and the scar was strange. It was mostly normal skin with the odd bump of scar tissue in a line.

"You're looking at it again."

"I'm just curious about it. That was a really deep cut, the scar should be huge. How's your arm?"

"It's completely fine, there's nothing wrong with it."

"Not even a scar?"

"I don't get scars."

"Well I do, and this one's not normal."


	14. Chapter 14

"Doctor why are we crashing!" I was shouting over the loud sounds of metal bending, fires burning and the frantic sound of buttons being pressed.

"I can't remember! Ally, this is going to hurt."

"What's going to hurt?"

Instead of answers my core muscles exploded in pain followed by immediate heart burn. My eyes were blinded by a light that I was sure was definitely not there before. I was like that for who knows how long until it faded slightly and I heard an unfamiliar voice saying something about legs. My eyesight came back for a moment and another light, similar to the one before shone and a whirring whooshing sound began. I collapsed sideways on one of the chairs beside me. My hair fell across my face and I was sure I was blonde a minute ago? No time for that. "We're still crashing!"

"We're not crashing." The words echoed around until I realised they weren't pointed at me. There was no one else in the control room and everything was in pristine condition. There was no evidence of the crash, which I was beginning to think I'd imagined. "Rose where are you?" There were footsteps on the grating I wasn't familiar with. It was Rose I think but I'd never actually met her. She must have thought he was up here.

"Doctor, I think you're going to want to come up here!"

"This had better be important I was about mend the... Who are you?" He didn't recognise me. Of course he didn't recognise me, I shouldn't be an idiot. I could be who knows where in this existence, we might never have even met for all I knew.

"Ally. I'm, I'm Ally."

"You can't be Ally, I just left Ally. Wait, the problem with the sensors earlier. Come here."

"Just to warn you, don't kick anything."

"What, why? What's kicking things got to do with anything?"

He used his sonic screwdriver on me, I knew what it would say. "I'll explain later. Just promise me you won't kick anything?" I relished the confused look he was making. I glanced at the screwdriver and noticed the tiny section that said I had a tiny bit of his DNA in me. It wasn't there when I still lived on Earth.

"Excuse me, still here by the way but who's Ally?" We'd forgotten about Rose.

The Doctor ran a hand over his face. "Oh right. Ally is.."

"I'm the resident teenager, nice to meet you." I got more than one surprised look at that.

"Since when did you live with me?"

"Since four years ago when this got really complicated." Going from how old I think I was in this time frame it was already complicated but he has no idea what's coming for him. I was probably twelve at the moment and not long come back from Omaria. I looked down at my singed clothes. "Can I go get changed?"

"I'll come with you." Rose and I went down to the wardrobe. I owed her an explanation. "He's never mentioned me has he?"

"Are you another one of his companions? I always wondered why he would keep running off every now and then. He must have a thing for you."

"I never used to travel with him. In fact at the moment I've probably been in here once and I freaked out. Kept calling it a tin can to begin with." I laughed cruelly at my existence back then. Back now, whatever this is shouldn't have happened. "I told you not to kick anything!" I shouted at the one person I couldn't see while hopping slightly. A confused Rose went back to the conversation.

"But you travel with him now."

"Only because I'm forced to. We went back home when I was fifteen to get some chips and things got really painful. I was on the missing persons list and..." I stopped before I said to much.

"He still likes chips?"

"More like I wanted chips. I guess? It isn't something we eat regularly."

"Why did you start hopping and tell the Doctor off for kicking something?"

"It's complicated."

"I like complicated."

"I know, they all like complicated. And the running, everyone likes the running." I finally found the t-shirt I wanted and some jeans. I changed in what would eventually be mine and the Doctors room and looked in the mirror. I looked the same as I ever did. Apart from a strip of black hair That wasn't there before. I thought something had happened to my hair.

"I just told you not to kick anything!" I mumbled idiot under my breath.

"I didn't kick anything." He called, wounded. But if he didn't kick anything and I didn't kick anything and I am absolutely sure that felt like when the Doctor kicks something when someone does something he said exactly not to do... I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I hoped this would work otherwise I'd be putting myself through this for nothing. I began to etch in my skin.

"What the heck are you doing? Put it down!" The Doctor must have been looking for me.

"No. If it's the only way..." Blood began to run down my arm. I finished the S and began on the T. The Doctor grabbed the knife away from me. "You don't understand. If this works there may be a chance that I can send a message to him!"

"What's going on?" Now Rose had to enter the room.

"She's cutting herself."

"For a very good reason." I growled.

Rose looked horrified.

"The scars won't be there for long, if there are any. Now give me my knife!" There was a reasonable amount of scrapping around in which I lost terribly to the Doctor and Rose.

"What are you trying to get out of this Ally? Freedom from something."

"I'm trying to send the other you a bloody message. Right now all he's got is some blood on his arm and an S! At least I think he has."

"What!" So much confusion. I love that face but I didn't know if I liked it right at that moment.

"Give me the bloody knife!"


	15. Chapter 15

I was now stuck in my room with no way of contacting my older Guandan. Rose's Doctor took everything away from me that I could use to hurt myself so unless I tried to use my teeth or nails then I wasn't going anywhere any time soon. Not to mention that I haven't got any nails.

"I hate you!" I shouted for the umpteenth time.

"I know."

I began to whisper under my breath. "You think your such a genius with your time brain and your time machine but your the biggest idiot I've ever met."

"I am a genius." I turned and glared lasers at the Doctor.

"Then start acting like one." I grumbled and sat on the bed. I hissed and instinctively cradled my arm. More blood and etching had just appeared. The Doctor had stepped closer so I thrust my arm at him.

"Read that." I spat. Under my S it said 'Are you safe.' A hint of dawning ran across the Doctor's face. He left and came back a few minutes later wearing a face that said 'I really shouldn't be doing this.'

"Go on. Answer him." He passed me a medical scalpel. I took it from him without a word and etched 'with you five years ago.' Now I just had to wait for another searing pain on my arm.

"Can I leave my room now, dad." I put a heavy sarcastic tone on dad. It made the Doctor blush which made me very happy. I stepped round him and went to wash the new blood off my arm. I never thought it would be necessary to use the Mathe as a communicating device. About an hour later I got another message. It said don't do anything stupid. I rolled my eyes.

* * *

Rose is a fun person to talk to. She's a very positive person and a great distraction. To begin with she couldn't get used to the fact that there was someone on board that might have a relationship with the Doctor like hers but it's actually very different and she liked to talked about it a lot.

"Can you imagine The Doctor having someone on board who hates going on adventures? That's me." Rose laughed.

"So you never go anywhere?"

"Not if I can help it."

We had our legs hanging over the edge of the floor looking out into space.

"What's he like when he's with you?" I asked.

"Where to start. When we're outside he kind of melts when we find something dangerous for us to fix, and he's always hyper. Whenever we're trying to think of somewhere to go he's like a kid in a sweet shop. Do you know that look he gives you when he explains something at 100 miles an hour and you say what and he looks at you like you drooled on his shirt?"

I laughed at the idea of someone drooling on his shirt and filed it away for one of the more boring days. "Yeah, I decided to read the whole manual on the TARDIS because I love that look when you say something intelligent. It took me over a year. You know the whirring noise the TARDIS makes? It's because he doesn't really know how to drive. I'm thinking of finding an L plate and hanging it on the door outside." We laughed a bit more.

"What about you two, are you you know?"

"What? No!" I freaked out at the idea of us actually being a couple, in human terms. Every time someone sees us together they must be asking themselves the same question Rose was. "Definitely not. Never."

Rose realised she'd offended me. "I'm sorry I just thought... I don't know. The way he is around you is different. He wasn't even that way around Sarah Jane." I sighed.

"It's alright. I've never thought about it like that. I wish he would let me tell you what's going on because then I would have someone to talk about it with. I don't really know how to explain it any other way. In some ways it's like he's my dad but he's definitely not anything close at the same time. I don't know what it would be like to have a boyfriend because I've been in this place since I was thirteen so... so even if we were, like that I guess I wouldn't know about it. This whole thing is supposed to be about protection. He protects me and I protect him. How are you supposed to protect your dad? Then there's this bit on the side where we can never leave each other. This Doctor doesn't know about this yet but if I was to be a certain distance from him we would both be in terrible pain. Well I don't know about him. I nodded my head towards the Doctor. "But I'm not going to try it. That's why when I was twelve I wouldn't let him tell me about his adventures because it would put me in physical pain, the idea of him not being safe. It's better now, things changed and it doesn't hurt as much when I think about it."

We were quiet for a long time after that. I didn't understand a lot about what was going on. When this first started I'd always thought of what had happened as being married. Now I realised that this allegiance, this Mathe thing could be any kind of relationship at all. I couldn't even remember my own dad that well. I wondered if he'd ever been a father before. If he looked at this the same way I did. I wasn't going to write a letter on my arm and asking this Doctor was out of the question. He was inexperienced with me.


	16. Chapter 16

I'm moping around trying to work out my life at the moment. I can't tell Rose any more than I've already told her and I've had to swear her to secrecy as it is. But a father? Do I really want him, this man with the crazy grin as a dad? I know hardly anything about him! In all the four years that I've lived with him he's barely talked about himself. Every time I try to get him to talk about his life he changes the conversation. I know more about repairing the TARDIS. I remember when he told me we were married, which he denied. Actually if I admit it I was the one who insisted we were 'together', he only told me to imagine it. I'm so confused right now! He said the accident was from a marriage ritual, the Amorans didn't exactly deny it. They didn't say it wasn't either... They only said it was a relationship that tied each other together for protection. I think, I want to think that. I can't really remember what they said anymore and we didn't go to see them when we started getting each others injuries, maybe we should have done that. I, I know what I thought and I never really payed attention to what the truth could be? Everything, all this, it's my fault isn't it. I just assumed straight away that we were... Now I'm just trying to make excuses. I told Martha that he was the only family I had left. Not partner or husband, family. So even then the idea of him being my dad could've been in my mind... I always knew things weren't what I was telling myself. I would tell myself to hate him, that everything was his fault. That he kidnapped me. I willingly walked into this place, I even suggested it! I don't even know what he did wrong anymore. Because he didn't, because everything's my bloody fault! I watch the tears fall on my hands. One after the other seep into my skin. After a while I dry my eyes and practice putting on a smile. The Doctor and Rose are out at the moment doing who knows what but they'll be back soon. so I drag my body up from the small corner I'd been hiding in to find some hot chocolate cake, my favourite food at the moment. Some tea wouldn't go amiss either. I snorted. Tea and cake, it sounds so English. I remember Rose putting on her posh accent, I couldn't breath from laughing so much. I wish I could go to bed but I would need the Doctor for that. The man who didn't even know what I'd done to him. How many times had I shouted at him that everything was his fault, that I hated him? I wish I could just walk out of those stupid double doors. I could run away but that could be worse than me staying because of what happens when we're at a distance from each other. The last time I went outside those doors I'd been arrested and sent to a mental hospital. I sighed. I didn't even know what year it was out there, or even if we were on the same planet I was born on. Being arrested was the least of my problems... and now my cake was gone. So I stood and stared at the now empty plate I was holding, still in my pyjamas.

"But seriously a werewolf!"

"I know!"

I heard the voices echoing off the metal walls I'd grown used to. I didn't move.

"Ally listen to..." Rose paused there and put a hand on my shoulder. I still didn't move. "What's wrong?" I still didn't move, I just said "My cakes gone." A tear dropped onto the plate.

"Doctor can you leave us alone for a while?" She began to steer me to the kitchen where she sat me down and started to heat up some more cake. "Give it to me, what's wrong?"

So I poured out what I could in one breath broken up with the odd sob. "Well it's my birthday tomorrow and I couldn't help thinking about...well you know and then the Doctor and Martha and you and everything and the, how I, he never but I, it's all my fault Rose!" She hugged me as well as she could with half a plate full of cake in the way.

"It's your birthday tomorrow?" I nodded meekly.

"My eighteenth."

"Well we've got to do something then, maybe the Doctor could take us somewhere special." I shook my head.

"I don't want to go anywhere important. Anyway I haven't been outside in almost three years."

"Well every eighteen year old has to get their first drink on their birthday. How about that?"

"Alright, but the Doctors not coming. The last time I went outside with him we were arrested because the police thought I was taken for human trafficking. That was on my birthday to. It was the time we had chips that I told you about."

"That was your birthday!"

"Mm. It was a really bad birthday."

"Then he's not invited. I'll take you to my mum's and we can go for a drink at the pub down the road."I gave a weak smile.

"Okay."


	17. Chapter 17

The Doctor was getting worried. Very worried. Ally hadn't spoken to either of them in weeks and now whenever she walked into a room they were in she would just walk straight back out again. The first time Rose had told him what Ally had said about everything being her fault he didn't know what to think. When she'd first got here she kept shouting at him saying the complete opposite, but now? And now she'd started refusing his help when she went to bed so he'd begun sneaking in after she was asleep. He didn't know where the nightmares were coming from and right now he didn't want to. Then he began to notice that she was holding her left arm wrong.

* * *

I needed some kind of peace. Something to take the pain away from what I'd done. So I went to the medical room and found a scalpel. At first I began to push the knife in lightly, so that it only just began to draw blood, but it wasn't good enough. So I made another cut, deeper this time. It felt so good to get this out. Then I washed the scalpel and put it back where I found it. When I left I saw the Doctor and felt guilty. He probably felt that to, somewhere. About an hour I felt it on my arm, 'don't do that.' The next day I went back. The peace I'd got from before was gone and so were the scars, so I picked up the scalpel from before and made another cut. I wanted to be able to see the marks of what I had done. I wanted a reminder. The cuts were long and deep. Four of them, each of them worse than the next. Each one felt better too. I liked the pain but it wasn't working. It didn't take away from the guilt of before, and the new guilt that would soon come. I tried to make them look like accidents but I new he wouldn't be fooled. I was right, another message came. 'I know somethings wrong, tell me.' But I couldn't tell him. I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done, especially not him. The cuts were getting deeper and the messages were harder to read. This wasn't helping but I kept doing it anyway. It got to the point where I had to started wrapping bandages around my arm. It made me happy to undo the bandages and see the success of the scars I made.

* * *

One night the Doctor heard the screaming of the inevitable nightmares and went where he always did, to Ally. He took the chance to find out what was wrong with her arm so he pulled up the arm of her top. He found a clumsily made bandage with blood slowly seeping through it. He undid it and saw all of the scars she had made. The old ones that were nearly gone, the scabs she'd been picking and right at the end a cut so deep he thought he could see the muscle in her arm. He saw the writing that said 'don't make me do this Ally'. Then he remembered that Ally wasn't the only one feeling these cuts. What did he mean when he wrote that? What was he about to do? He went to get a new bandage and when he was done he pulled her close and whispered "Oh Ally, what am I going to do with you?"

* * *

When I woke up I saw the fresh bandage on my arm. He must have noticed. I wasn't careful enough. Now he knew what I'd been doing. I still walked down to the medical room, just like all the other days and picked up the same knife. He hadn't thought to move it. I removed part of the bandage and began to make a new cut before I dropped the knife. I couldn't help the scream. I couldn't move my right hand. Any of it. I fell to my knees on the floor where I stared at my arm.

* * *

The bloodcurdling scream could be heard all through the TARDIS. The Doctor ran as fast as he could sliding round corners to see Ally on her knees half cradling her arm. He didn't miss the scalpel on the floor. It didn't take any time at all for him to be right in front of Ally trying to talk calmly.

"It's alright Ally, can I have a look?" She bit her lip and moved her arm closer to him as best she could. She tried to pull away when he touched it."Sorry, I just need to have a look." Almost every single bone in her hand and wrist was broken. He couldn't help but sigh, a little confused. She can't have done this herself.

"Don't try and help, I deserve it." The small whisper hurt. What could she have possibly done to feel this way?

* * *

I couldn't see what he was doing. I was crying through the pain, through the anger and the guilt and the desperation.

"I wish you would just talk to me." I pursed my lips and shook my head making my hair go everywhere. Then I drew a breath in sharply. "Sorry. Whatever it is it can't be as bad as you think it is."

"How do you see me?" I mumbled knowing he could probably hear it. I winced each time I felt something on my skin.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I to you?" I didn't get an answer, not until he stopped poking my hand with something cold. "Like a daughter. I see you like a daughter."


	18. Chapter 18

He saw me as a daughter. That was... nice. Did that mean I was some kind of adopted kid or something? He had been taking care of me for almost half my life now so that wouldn't be strange.. How am I supposed to introduce myself now? 'Hi I'm his daughter.' It doesn't feel right. Maybe it would be better if I stuck to saying I'm Ally. Only Ally. No one needs to know I'm the Doctors daughter. Human, psychically linked and adopted through unrealistic means daughter. Yeah, just Ally will be fine. Still it can't be the weirdest upbringing, I'm sure loads of kids have been brought up by aliens. Or is that just abduction? Anyway the point still stands and I haven't turned out that bad have I? At least, I hope not.

"What are you thinking about?" I took my steaming cup of tea away from my mouth.

"Just how I was brought up by an alien..." I smiled innocently at my new dad. Should I even call him dad? No, I'll stick to Doctor for now.

"It wasn't that bad was it?"

"No, I wasn't the best teenager though." I sighed into my tea.

"You were just being a normal teenager to me."

"How would you know?"

"I was a dad once..." I raised an eyebrow. I could never imagine him as normal dad material. Still, I don't know anything about time lord kids.

"Really, when?"

"Oh, such a long time ago now." He got that look he gets when he's thinking of his home planet. A mix of wistful, sad and guilty. "Anyway, that was then." I got the idea that I shouldn't pry any further.

"I bet you were a good dad." I say it quietly. He gives me a soft smile and I take another sip of my tea. "How many people do you know who were brought up by another species?"

"Oh, now then... There was Andromeda Talethia, brought up by the Endocycrimetians, she was Vangaldesian. Marco Landen, Synthcathion, Orian..." I watch as he nods with each persons, name counting on his fingers as he joyously spouts his knowledge. "Dimelshia, well she was kept in a cage so technically she doesn't count..."

"I'm guessing you left out all the ones that were pets?"

"Mm, Sandra Helingham was a pet I suppose."

"Okay, how many of them weren't pets, servants, slaves or food?"

"Two."

Ouch. "So not so much kids then?"

"No." I stood up after seeing my empty cup.

"I'm going to make another cup of tea, do you want one?"

"No thanks I should be getting back to repairing the TARDIS."

"You know that wire you re-routed yesterday, it's the main power line for the contra-magnetic eraser conduit. You should put it back."

"Where'd you find that out?"

"I read the manual, know it off by heart now."

"Then why do you sit around drinking tea all day? You should be helping me with the repairs."

"The only reason things stop working is because you go around breaking them."

"No I don't!"

"Your such a bad mechanic." I grin mischievously at him and he pushes my shoulder. I giggle at his annoyed face. "I wasn't joking about that wire though."

"But what's the point in even having that, it's useless!"

I have to admit it probably is. The basic idea of erasing contrasting magnetic fields should make everything fall apart. Or not stick together? I don't really understand it but it did sound important in the manual. I let the music echo round the control room. It was something from the late 20th century I like. Me and the Doctor are working underneath the grating by the main TARDIS controls. He popped his head up and scowled.

"Do you have to play that?"

I shouted from where I was working. "You said you wanted my help. This is what you get."

"I don't mind having music but really, does it have to be this?"

"Why don't you like it?" I teased.

"You know I love the music from the twentieth century but this is not one of them."

"Fine I'll change it." I reached up to press a button. Something from the 23rd century started to play.

"You have no taste in music." He shrank back below deck.

"Well I'm not playing Mozart or Beethoven, it's got no mood for this kind of work."

"Course it does!"

"I'm sorry but Fur Elise just doesn't get me going the way it does you." I paused. "You're going to hum it now to annoy me aren't you." He did. Over and over again. I sighed and got back to work so I could finish as quickly as possible. "Pass me the sonic. I'm done!" Finally I could get away from his humming.

"Good, I need you over here." Damn. I walked over to him. "Can you hold that button there?" One arm shot up out of nowhere and pointed to the control panel above him.

"That's the air conditioning." He pointed to the button on its right. "The cancel processing button?"

"No, no, that one." He pointed further right.

"You want me to turn off the deflector shields?"

"Yes, what? No. Oh I give up. Just press the one that temporarily short circuits the force field around the central control circuits."

"Oh you mean this button." I crossed to the other side of the Doctor and pressed down a small red button, it was right beside the air conditioning. He popped his head back out of the grating.

"That's what I was pointing at." He said stubbornly, I smiled. "Maybe you should look before you point? Are you done yet because I have better things to do than hold down a button."

"You mean you're going to raid the library with another cup of tea. Which author are you reading at the moment, J. K. Rowling or Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?"

"Bram Stoker."

"You can let go now. Don't spill your tea this time, I don't want to have to take another unnecessary trip because someone ruined a signed original manuscript." I got in a lot of trouble for that. I was banned from the library until further notice. This 'further notice' has recently been lifted under the condition that any more damage to the books would result in a permanent ban. I tried overriding the ban last time but the TARDIS just made it harder and harder to get in and I ended up doing the laundry. No clothes materialised in my room for weeks unless I'd washed them and I had no access to the main wardrobe. So much for perfect replicas.


	19. Chapter 19

I wake to find myself surrounded by fog. I can't see anything further than I can stretch my hand which is almost shrouded in the mist. It's only after a moment that I realise I'm damp all over and shivering as the shorts and t-shirt I'm wearing aren't nearly enough to cover my skin. I push myself up from the ground and try to step forwards in the hope that there is something there for me to step on. I blindly walk on with my arms outstretched until I find a wall. Having no idea where I am and no memory of the date I can only think that I must have no where to live. On the wall I find a notice, it is advertising for teachers. It also happens to have the date on it, 19th November 1879. It means nothing to me. I move on and tread on another discarded piece of paper. It was part of a newspaper, covered in grease. 'Someone's been eating chips' I mumbled. People used to eat chips covered in newspaper. Used to, past tense. But I'm here, in 1879. I live here, so why am I using the past tense? Then I fall from a collision with someone.

"Oi, what's a prostitute like you doing around these parts? Get out of here!"

Oh, that's right. A woman in 1879 wasn't even allowed to show her ankles. There's that past tense again.

"I'm sorry sir, I think someone must have taken my clothes. I woke on the ground a few moments ago not far from here." I hope he'll believe me. I don't sound very convincing.

"I doubt that very much." He sneered and walked past me. I ran after him.

"Please Sir, I must ask you to have some mercy upon my soul as I have found myself in such an ungodly state through no fault of my own." Perhaps appealing to his religious side will help. He turned briskly.

"I have a reputation to uphold. Helping a prostitute will bring that reputation down considerably."

"I promise you Sir that I am no prostitute. Please, even if you could just show me where I may borrow some clothing to cover my nakedness. I wish only that of you." At least I hope I'm not prostitute.

"I've no doubt that you have shown more nakedness to many men than you or I can count, but if you are telling one ounce of truth and I were to ignore you then my soul would be damned. You are a beggar and a prostitute and you deserve no mercy. If I leave you to become a thief so be it. You are a liar and have no soul. I will however take you to the nunnery not far from here so that no man woman or child can be damned by your being. Perhaps they will cover your nakedness." As he spat out every word I flinched. I then followed him in silence until we arrived at the nunnery. He did not touch me nor say a word except to the novice who opened the door who then ran to the Sister Margret.  
Sister Margret is a cruel woman. She looked down her nose at me as she asked me each question, my name which I cannot remember, my age which is not in my memory either and whether I had laid illegitimately with another man. I am horrified that she doesn't believe me when I tell her no. She surmised that I wasn't pregnant at least. As the novice Maria leads me through the corridors to my room I see other novices. They all work in silence though most seem to be in constant prayer. I am given a red habit. That is all. I change into it and lay my clothes on the bed. I think it's supposed to be a bed. It has blankets on it but otherwise it is a wooden board. I don't like this place, inside is to quiet and outside it is silent. I'm sure there would be more sound if there wasn't this awful fog. It isn't long before night falls and the sisters go to bed. I can't sleep on this thing, it's to hard and I'm to hungry. There's something else as well. My arm hurts. I don't know why because there's nothing wrong with it. I can't find a scratch or a bruise but the sensation is more like a burning. It's probably my imagination after a long day. The night catches up with me and I fall asleep.

* * *

There were clouds of smoke and avalanches from mountains reaching into the red sky. Screams filled the air and gunshots took there place. Colourful laser stripes broke the horizon and skeletons froze in the place of their targets. Piles of the dead rose high on the ground. "Don't leave me, you promised. You Promised you would never leave me!" "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can do." "Dad!" A man ran into the distance leaving no trace of a footprint. A tear runs down his face when he turns, when he hears his family fall. He throws himself at his child. Unable to stop the tears he returns to his job. He cries out to himself when he forces himself not to look back at his child and wife knowing what he his about to do.

I wake crying and screaming, not knowing what I want to do most. Every night I have nightmares like these, but no one comes to comfort me. Not once in all my time here. I curl up in the corner of my room but no one comes. I am surprised the nuns haven't put me in a nut house by now, but then they aren't normal nuns. They walk around in their red habits saying their strange prayers which I don't understand but I get the feeling they aren't to any god. Not any god that I have aver heard of. I think they are praying to Satan and if I were to mention any of this to the out side world I think I would be tortured to within an inch of my life if not death itself. The other novices tell me that I have bad dreams because I am not praying to the Prince often enough or acting like a true sister of the Sinsayers and that he is angry with me. They say they are visions of what will happen if I keep disobeying hm.  
I don't know what the novices mean so they teach me. They teach me about the Prince of Darkness. The one who breaths fire and sucks souls from all that don't follow him. They tell me that the first thing I must do to be one of them is to make a promise. It is a terrible promise. The worst promise I will ever have to make. But I am not ready yet. First I must be taught the ways of the Prince of Darkness.

* * *

A new woman came to the nunnery today. She looks to be about my age and she asked to become one of the Sinsayers. They gave her the room next to mine. I think she called herself Jenny. I have been learning more about my new Lord and have been trying to do my best to appease him but the nightmares still haven't gone away. Every week I am taken to a large room, it has very little lighting and is painted in black and crimson. In the centre is a large alter-like table. At it's four corners are iron poles which are lit with fire. On the alter are three bowls. One is filled with a substance which is clear as water but is an acid which would melt your hand, another with coals. The third is regularly filled with freshly killed chicks. On the walls hang sorcerer's circles I'm sure were written in blood, I just hope it wasn't in human blood. Ever since Jenny came she has joined me in my training. The sisters tell me it won't be long before I make my promise.

The time has come. Today is the day I will become one of the Sinsayers true sisters. Today is when I make my promise. There's only one problem, I don't want to. I was made to learn the promise off by heart and I believed everything the sisters taught me but Jenny... Jenny has told me of stories before she joined the Sinsayers. Her travels from planet to planet, how she was born, what the world outside is like and why she's really here. She doesn't plan on joining the Sinsayers only learn more about them. I'd forgotten there was an outside before Jenny but she told me that she joined because of a strange mineral in the smoke coming from the nunnery. I remember the day I first came here, the fog where I woke up was thick. It's not just the stories she tells me either, Jenny goes 'investigating'. We aren't allowed in some parts of the nunnery, only the mother is allowed down there with a few of her favourite sisters. Jenny broke in and she found something terrible. She found a beast. She said it had black eyes and horns. The horns seemed to emit electricity. I don't know whether to believe her. I wasn't there but I don't want to stay anywhere where there's a monster hiding beneath you. So I'm going to leave. We have a plan. There is a small door behind the mother's fireplace which will be unguarded during the ceremony. We don't know where it goes but it's got to be better than here because my promise, my promise is to let the sisters kill me.


	20. Chapter 20

"Keep running and don't look back!"

That was Jenny. You could say the ceremony didn't exactly go as planned. It went something like this. I was on the alter, the sisters said 'do you consent', I said 'I consent', the sisters held a dagger over my heart, I shouted not, Jenny burst through the doors, I rolled off the alter, Jenny grabbed me and now we're running around being chased by creepy nuns with spears.

"They're still coming!"

"That's why we're running! We're nearly there."

"Jenny, I don't want to worry you but they're gaining on us."

"That's the best bit."

"What!"

"I don't know about you but the worse it gets the more I like it."

"No, I definitely do not. I do not want to be stabbed to death by armed nuns in 1880! And Jenny, this is not the way to mother Margret's office."

"We aren't going to mother Margret's office, not yet anyway."

"Then where are we going!"

"We're going to find out why 19th century England is covered with smoke."

"That's not an answer, ah!" I kicked a nun who got a little to close.

"We're going to the beast."

We ran into a metal door. Well I did, Jenny stopped but I hit it with the full force of how fast we were running.

"Ow, Jenny what are you doing."

The door swung open. "Doing what I do best, breaking and running. Actually, that's my second best. I'm better at fighting. My dad told me not to do that though. So I'm running. I like the running. He does to."

"Are you in trouble with someone important or something?"

"Yep, I'm in trouble with a lot of important people."

I gagged when we stood in front of the beast. He was in a glass cage. It was his body producing the fumes. He was just as she had described him to me, giant, red and horned and there were so many eyes, all of them black, like black holes.

"Turn and look your deaths in the eye."

When we turned we saw one of the sisters holding one of the beasts eyes hung on a chain. It was clouded by more fumes it was creating. Then we understood, we weren't going to die by the sisters hand but by the beasts eye. When the fumes lessened for a moment I thought I saw a sadness. I looked back at the body of the beast and I saw where the eye had once been. I saw the cuts on it's body, the chains that held it. The fumes weren't meant to harm us, they were what the beast had instead of tears. I elbowed Jenny in the ribs.

"Jenny, the beast. It, it's crying."

A sound came into the room, it was a whining sound. It sounded so familiar. A large blue box appeared in front of us, some of the sisters broke the circle to point their spears at the box. Then a man opened a door.

"Jenny?" Said the man.

"Dad?" So that was Jenny's dad...

"Ally!" He said, to me.

"Who?" I asked. Was he talking to me?

"You know her?" The man looked back at Jenny.

"She, well Ally is, in a way Ally is my daughter." He didn't look at Jenny he just stepped out of his box.

"I am?" He's my dad?

"I have a sister?" Jenny's my sister! "So she's like me then."

"No, that's completely different! I mean, oh. Do we have to do this now?"

Right, we were about to be put to death by Satan loving nuns who tortured aliens. I forgot about that. Jenny's I mean our dad walked straight towards me and gently took my hand. I have no idea who this man is but I know I trust him with my life.

"Turn and face your deaths!"

"I've got a daughter who doesn't know me and an Enplecado you've been torturing. Do you really think I'm about to turn around to die?"

"That is our business."

"No, its none of your business. The Enplecado are a peaceful people. Look what you've done to it!"

Tears are running down my face, electricity is shooting through me and I have no idea what is happening but I've got the feeling my dad knows. He looks back at me and moves his hand to my shoulder.

* * *

Jenny watched as her dad helped an unconscious Ally to the floor.

"Jenny, I need your help."

"What happened to her?"

"I can't tell you now. Right now I can't leave Ally alone so you're going to have to get rid of the Sinsayers." Jenny grinned, that meant he was letting her fight. "But don't kill anyone!"

"I know dad."

It wasn't long before all of the nuns were apprehended and none of them were dead or seriously injured.

* * *

How many times would he have to go searching for her. It wasn't so bad when Ally had only fallen through time but this time she could have gone anywhere. Now he'd found her at least. As for their current situation, he would have preferred that the next time he saw Jenny wouldn't have been in such a bad situation. But what to do with the Enplecado? He couldn't think properly like this. He couldn't just leave it here but it's home planet was filled with radiation which meant it's escape pod must have crashed here. If it could be mended there was a better possibility of getting it out of here. First though he had to get Ally back into the TARDIS and sort them both out as soon as possible but they only had a small amount of time to get the Enplecado out of here. He could always wake Ally up and leave her with Jenny while he tried to sort this out. He'd have to tell Jenny something first.  
When it was safe enough he carried Ally into the TARDIS and sat her in one of the seats and sat down beside her. She made herself comfortable and leaned against him. Jenny came in soon after but she didn't bother looking around and went over to the two of them.

"Can you tell me what's going on now?"

He nodded "Alright, what do you want to know first? Keep in mind it's very complicated and I can't tell you much."

"Why is it so complicated?"

"Ally's human."

"Ally's human? But she's your daughter, how can she be your daughter and not have any of your DNA?"

He sighed. This wasn't how he thought the conversation was going to go. "She does have some of my DNA. But it's not the same as coming from my DNA, it's exactly the same, I checked, she wasn't born with it."

Jenny leaned forward interested and he ran a hand over his face. They only had so much time.

"So how did it get there?"

"I don't know but that's not how she became my daughter. There was a situation and I really don't want to talk about it." Jenny raised an eyebrow and glanced at Ally who seemed to be very comfortable. It was the first time she'd ever seen Ally sleep without nightmares.

"Why is Ally so peaceful now? I've never seen her like this before."

He thought for a moment. "Ally is, was very young when this all started. Putting it simply we got connected in a way where it got to the point where if we're apart from each other certain things happen. If we fall asleep without the other nearby then we have nightmares. Terrible nightmares. I don't know if having amnesia helped in some way but some of those things don't seem to have happened this time. Not to her. She's been living with me since she was thirteen."

* * *

"...thirteen."

I groaned. I know this feeling. I haven't felt it in so long. I absentmindedly run my hand up under the Doctor's sleeve. It's a natural reaction now.

"Not now Ally."

I stop and realise what I was doing. I lift my head from his shoulder and everything rushes back. Everything. Not just what was happening before I woke up but years of my life. The shock makes me a little breathless and I notice Jenny sitting close by. I realise they must have been talking while I was asleep. I look up at him with a clear question. What does she know? I must seem like a small child at the moment but that doesn't matter. He just smiles gently at me. I know that smile. Pity.

"I have to go. I need to get that Enplacado out of here as soon as possible." He says it calmly.

"I'll come to."

"No, Jenny I need you to stay with Ally. She's to weak to be on her own at the moment."

"Hey, I can take care of myself." I raise my voice.

"No you can't." I look at him, he looks terrible. I must look worse. Still I'm not going to give up that easily.

"Just because I look bad doesn't mean I need a babysitter. Besides, you're just as bad."

"I've saved planets with one heart. You're only human."

"Oh that's nice. Don't see me for months, maybe longer and all you can say is you're only human! and I'm not only human and you know it."

"Sorry, but Jenny's still staying here."

"Now I don't have a choice?" Jenny isn't happy either.

"Fine, get out of here then." I turn from him, stubborn as ever.

He gets up and walks out. That could have gone better.

"Do you want to see the kitchen, I could really do with a cup of tea?" I mumble. There's no need to look at Jenny. I'm to offended at the moment. I start walking towards the kitchen. Once I've got my tea I've calmed down enough to look at her.

"So what did he tell you."

"What?" Jenny was in her own thoughts.

"When I was asleep, what did he tell you about what's going on?"

"Not much. Nothing really. He didn't seem to want to talk about whatever is going on between you to." She's quiet. At least she gets it's a touchy subject, either that or she's still thinking about the argument. Me now and me before must be completely different. I give a small, slightly off smile.

"Don't worry about earlier, we're always like that. I got my memories back when I woke up." She nodded. I sighed. It's been a long time since there's been anyone to argue in front of. I don't think Jenny's much of a conversation starter at the moment. "It was strangely normal being brought up by an alien." She laughed. That's good, I didn't want us to be awkward for to long.

"Dad said you've got some of his DNA. How did that happen?"

"Well I can only guess but if either of us get hurt then the other gets a small injury similar to the one the other person has so it could have been when he made a huge cut in his arm to test a theory. It makes no sense but not only do we get the same injury we get their blood too. Maybe it's because of that. Grim I know." Jenny hadn't reacted badly or anything I just thought I should say it. "We've probably got a few hours, do you want to see anywhere else?"

"Yes but I have one more question before we start. How did dad make you fall asleep earlier?"

I grin mischievously at what I'm going to say next. "I can do that to him to." That's probably embarrassing to him which makes me giggle. "It's a combination of pressure points and hormones. I don't think anyone else can do it. I was going to do it earlier when I was waking up, when he told me 'not now', you remember?"

"That's what he was telling you not to do?"

"He could at least have let me calm him down a bit." Jenny seemed confused. "If I'm careful it won't put him to sleep, just calm him down. So, where do you want to see first?"

"Where's you're favourite place?"


	21. Chapter 21

"Ouch" I quickly put my hand to my side. The Doctor's still not back but it's only been about two hours.

"What's wrong?"

"Probably nothing." I say but I'm still wincing at the pain even though I remove my hand. "So where were we, this is the swimming pool."

"It's in the library?"

"Not where I would put it either. I got locked out once for getting tea on a book and he has a swimming pool in here. I don't think I'm the highest risk of damage to these books." I'm hoping the sarcasm will take away some of the unwanted attention.

"It has a diving board. You want to go for a swim?"

I try not to gasp when my side suddenly gets worse. "Not right now. You can if you want." Jenny looks towards my hand which I'd just put back to my side.

"You're bleeding." I look down to find that she's right. It's not much blood but it's not my scratch either.

"Did I show you the medical-bay yet? I think we're going to need it." As soon as that man gets back I'm going to kill him. Again.

The medi-bay isn't far away. "If your looking for the thing that speeds up cell regeneration or whatever it does don't bother, the wound will just open back up again. There's some bandages in a cupboard over there." I point over to the other side of the room. While Jenny gets the bandages I scrabble around for some strong painkillers. As soon as I'm done I sit on one of three beds in the room and peel my top away.

"Why would your cut open up again if it was healed?" Jenny asks as she cleans the area around what looks like a stab wound.

"It's not my wound." I grit my teeth.

"When you said similar I didn't imagine something like this. So what you mean is that dad has to be healed before you because it's his wound." I nod.

"We're going to have to go back to the console room. When dad gets back he's going to be in worse shape than me. It's the connection. Being apart for so long is making him slow, really slow. He'll be back soon."

When dad gets back I can't stop my self from being angry which is probably better than anything else right now. He pushes through the doors and I immediately start yelling at him.

"What do you think you were doing? You know you weren't ready to leave."

"Ally I had to."

"I'm sure it could have waited five more minutes! Now I don't know what happened out there but if you don't come with us right now I don't know, I just don't know." The pain killers I took and being angry are helping me to drag him down to medi-bay. Once there I start to peel away his shirt, some of the blood has dried making it stick to it. "Don't want to get blood on the sheets." I say just loud enough for him to hear me. He knows what's happening next. Jenny heals us both, dad first.

"Jenny, we're going to be a while." I stalk out the room dragging the Doctor towards the bedrooms. When we get to ours I push him inside to get changed and go next door to find some pyjamas. I still have my own room even though we sleep in the same one. We didn't need injuries on top of everything else that happened today. When I'm done I go back and knock on the door. "Are you done yet?" I don't want to yell any more, he wasn't being a complete idiot.

"Come in. I'm done." When I enter he's looking where the injury used to be. "Jenny did a good job."

"What did you expect, a huge scar?" I settle on the bed.

"Well I expected something." I snorted. Trust him to underestimate his kid just because she's not a 'real time lady'. She's got better precision than anyone I've ever met.

"Can we just get this over with or does sitting down sound to difficult right now?" I know I'm being rude but he should know the rules by now. He looked at me, he was still offended. "Fine, I'm sorry. I know you had to go save that Encelapado.."

"Enplecado."

"Enplecado. I just got upset because you need to be more careful." His eyes softened a little and he finally sat on the bed. We both got comfortable and I knocked him out.

* * *

Ally had never explained what they were going to do when they left so Jenny followed them. At first she was confused at why the Doctor would let anyone manhandle him the way Ally did. They went to a part of the ship Ally hadn't shown Jenny. Things got more confusing when Ally pushed him into one room and went into another just to come out in pyjamas and knock on the door. Why didn't she just go in? She had just dragged him all over the ship after all. What changed in the last few minutes. Then she remembered overhearing Ally say something about blood on sheets. Things were getting more complicated every second. Then they started talking. She couldn't hear everything but the part about her wasn't important, even if it was a bit offensive. "Can we just get this over with..." Get what over with? At first she thought it was what came next but then they stopped talking. In fact she couldn't hear anything, they weren't moving. Perhaps, no she really shouldn't look but she'd come this far so why not. But they were family... which meant she had a right to know. She waited one more minute to make sure she hadn't missed something while she was thinking before looking in. They were asleep. Had Ally done what her dad did to Ally earlier? Ally said she could do it to him. Ally's hand was still half under his sleeve. It didn't look very comfortable because her dad had his opposite arm round her neck. At the same time they were flat on their backs which meant their arms were at awkward angles to get where they were. Now she knew what Ally meant about getting blood on the sheets. She got closer. They were so limp, they could have been dead but she knew enough to know they weren't.  
It didn't look like either of them were getting up any time soon so she went to explore. They were acting like completely different people. It was weird. Her dad didn't look at Ally the same way he looked at her. When she'd first seen him he'd been angry. Then it had all been choices and running. The only time he'd been gentle with her was when she was dying. That was a long time ago. When he looked at Ally, there was so much guilt, guilt and an almost physical desire of, what? If you took away the shouting and the arguments the two of them seemed so comfortable around each other. It made Jenny feel like she was intruding. He was so gentle with Ally, and careful. It wasn't just how he'd made her stay with Ally earlier it was how he acted around her all the time he'd been with them. He held Ally like a china doll in the nunnery, and his eyes. When he looked at Ally after they got in the TARDIS, when she slept on his shoulder it was like she really was his family. Ally really meant something to him she knew she never could, in a way she would never understand. But then she didn't want to be held like a china doll either. As for how Ally was acting, it was like she'd gone from a church mouse to a lioness in a matter of minutes. And there was no more screaming. Maybe she should leave.


	22. Chapter 22

I yawned. The familiar reboot makes me aware that the Doctor is awake too. It's better now. Everything is better now. We're back together, everything seems healthy and I don't think we're about to crash. The TARDIS is humming normally and there are no loud noises. Except one, I just knocked a lamp off the bedside table. I don't know why we have those, we have voice activated lights all over the ship. Maybe it's supposed to be an attempt at home comfort.

"How long have we been asleep?" I ask, hiding another yawn.

"About a week."

"One week and two days." We both look up to the door where Jenny stands.

"Um thanks Jenny." I get out of the bed, walk up to her. "Would you mind leaving so we can get dressed it's just..."

"Oh, I'll be in the console room waiting."

"Okay, we'll be right up." As soon as the door closes I turn back around. "How many times do you think she's watched us sleeping?"

"I could find out."

"Would that make it worse?"

"It's only like Martha..."

"But we told Martha. We should tell Jenny."

"No."

"We have to. She's family, she should know. Especially after all of, you know."

"We can't tell her."

"You're right. We can't, you'll have to."

"What!"

"Promise me you'll tell her, everything. Even the embarrassing parts. Some of them." He looks me in the eye.

"Fine. But I'm not telling her about..." He hesitated. We never showed each other everything that happened to ourselves. There's probably volumes of strange things I don't know happened.

"I'll go and get dressed now." I slip out the door away from our whispered conversation and take a deep breath. Jenny will be waiting.

* * *

"You're leaving!" I shrieked. The Doctor had gotten here first but Jenny hadn't told him anything until I got here. I was probably being rude exploding like that so I took a deep breath. "But you can't leave, we just met." I must have scared Jenny because she stepped back.

"Sorry but I feel like I'm intruding in your..." She paused and for some reason lowered her voice. "space."

"You, what? What do you mean space? We're surrounded with space. We're in an infinite spaceship in the middle of space, how are you intruding in our space?" I was hyperventilating. The Doctor took my shoulder and turned me around.

"Ally if Jenny wants to go then we should let her."

Tears began to form in my eyes. "But she hasn't even given us a good reason for going..." I'm sobbing.

"Yes she has." I look up at him, not understanding. "Jenny wants to give us some space..." He tried to hide an amused smile at the phrase. It took a minute or two but I caught on.

"Why?" I couldn't say any more. I just sort of fell into one of the chairs. The Doctor went over to Jenny. I don't know what they were saying, it doesn't matter... I suppose I understood. Me and the Doctor we.. had a relationship and that weirded her out. I shook my head. It would weird anyone out. I heard the doors shut and footsteps come to stop in front of me.

"How can you let her go?" I ask.

"I've seen a lot of people go."

"Are you going to be like this when I go?"

"Who said I was ever letting you go? Anyway, who'd be left to take care of me?" I snorted.

"So what now?"


	23. Chapter 23

Beep, beep, beep, beep!

"Alicia Bennett you turn that thing off and get down here right now!"

I sighed and rolled over. Another few minutes... I hated it when mum was late for work.

"Alicia hurry up! I need you to take your sister to nursery. Sam go and get your sister out of bed."

"I'm up! I'm up." The last time Sam got me up he threw stink bombs in my room. I had to throw out my favourite bed sheets. "Get out!" I slammed the door on his face. I dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. My four year old sister Emily had milk in her hair and Sam was pretending to shoot the cat. I made some toast because the cereal was currently on the floor where Emily had thrown her bowl.

"Oh Emily!" Moaned my mother. "I don't have time for this." She tried to wrestle the TV remote from Sam. I leaned against the counter watching the morning play out as usual. "Listen, I've got an interview so I'm going to be late home. You'll need to pick up Emily from nursery, oh and Sam has a sleepover at Ben's tonight. Make sure he remembers his toothbrush."

She slammed the door leaving me to sort out the mess, the kids and try to get to school in an hour. I groaned and shoved the last piece of toast in my mouth.

"Okay, Sam put down the control and finish getting ready for school or you won't be going to Ben's"

"You can't, you're not an adult like you pretend to be."

"All I have to do is tell mum Ben got chicken pox or something and I'm off the hook. So put down that control and get ready." I growled at him. He put down the control and walked off so I started on Emily. "Come on Emily lets go and change your top." We walked down to her room and she picked out a pink one with a unicorn on it. "Okay, I've got my keys, my phone, my homework..." I cleared up the mess Emily had made and we went to stand by the door waiting for Sam. "Sam you're going to make me late for school, again!" He appeared at the top of the stairs.

"I'm coming."

I locked the door and we walked Emily to nursery, then I took Sam to his school and finally turned up at mine. I was ready to go back to bed.

"Axis of the Earth?"

"23.4 degrees" As long as I keep coming up with the right answers Mr Cowalsky doesn't mind if I'm five minutes late. So far I haven't got one wrong.

"Correct. Good to see you Alicia. Now today we're talking about ecosystems. Alicia?"

"An ecosystem is a natural environment and includes flora, plants and fauna, animals."

"Top form."

When school finishes I set out to pick up Sam and Emily. I notice a missing poster on a lamp post. It had a picture and said 'Missing, Alicia Bennett, if you see anyone who looks like the image above please call the number below.' Then the piece of paper faded, like it was never there.

"Alicia, can we go now?" I jumped.

"Sam, how long have you been there?"

"Ages. I want to get to Ben's, can we go now?"

"Uh yeah, lets just get Emily first. Remind me to call Gran when we get home."

* * *

"Hi gran it's Alice. I'm fine, mum left me with Emily and Sam again but Sam's gone on a sleepover. Look, you know you used to say you could sense things and mum and dad always said you were crazy? Can you come over? No gran really I'm fine it's just something really weird happened earlier. Okay, I'll leave the door unlocked. Thanks gran, bye."

I couldn't wait for gran to get here. I sat down on the sofa and started twiddling my thumbs but I got up soon after and made myself a cup of tea. Gran only lives ten minutes away but ten minutes can be a long time sometimes. I heard the latch.

"Gran, is that you?"

"Yes dear, now make an old lady some tea and tell me what's wrong." I set about boiling the water.

"When I was picking up Sam from school earlier there was a poster. A missing poster but, I must be going mad but it had me on it. Gran, it said I'd been missing for years."

I had my back to her. "Do you have the poster?"

"No it kind of disappeared." I brought the tea over to where she was sitting.

"Give me your hands child. You know I always said there was something strange about you." She closed her eyes like she was in some kind of trance. "Nope there's nothing wrong with you. You're still my granddaughter." She opened her eyes and smiled at me reassuringly. I didn't miss the worry when she turned away though, like she'd found out something that wasn't supposed to be known.

"Gran, what is it? I know there's something wrong. You've always been a terrible lier." She looked back at me with scared eyes. "Gran, am I real?"

"What, of course you're real you silly child."

"Then what is going on?"

"You were quick to notice."

"Notice, notice what?"

"You're home child, isn't that all that matters?"

Something was wrong with gran. "So this isn't real? Any of it?"

"Of course it's real. You can touch it, feel it."

"Then why are there missing posters and who are you anyway?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"My gran didn't create a made-up world just for me. Who are you?"

"I'm you."

"Your what?"

"I'm you. I'm the part of you that really wants to go home but knows you'll never make it. I'm the part of you that wonders what life would have been like if you'd never left. I'm the part of you that wants to carry on with this charade and not bother finding out where it all came from."

"So I'm dreaming?"

"Yes, let's call it dreaming. Much nicer than what's actually happening."

"What's going on? You're not me are you. You're a a thing. Tell me what's going on!"

"I'm feeding off your brain. Soon there'll be nothing left but gloop and I'll eat that too."

"I'm dying!"

"Not so nice as dreaming is it?"

"Please don't kill me."

"To late, I'm surprised you're not dead already. The young ones are always the tastiest."

"So I have time?"

"I suppose so. Not long though, I doubt you'll work out how to get me out in time."

"So you're a parasite. You're inside my head."

"You're a quick one aren't you. But how do you get me out when you're as blind as a bat and have no idea where you are? Tick tock dear. Times running out."

I try to think quickly. This parasite said that everything here was real, if it was telling the truth I could have a chance. An electric shock. Big enough to knock me out but not so big it will kill me. Nothing in the house would do. There was a pylon along the road. It would be bad but it could be a chance. Gran followed me out of the house. "I don't have to get you out, I just have to kill you."

"You're just going to leave your little sister alone?"

"She's not my family!" I climbed the pylon and reached out for the wire. This could easily kill me, but it would definitely kill whatever was in my head. Gran pulled me away. "I'm right then. I can kill you from here." I kicked her off, grasped the wire and fell.


	24. Chapter 24

"Stop doing that."

My head is buzzing, and I think I just heard someone with a Scottish accent talk to me. I look around, this could be the TARDIS? It looks too metal though. "What?" I ask, aiming for any information possible.

"Falling out of the TARDIS. Stop doing that."

I, "What?" I do keep turning up in different TARDIS's, or would that be different places in the Doctor's time stream but the same TARDIS? I've got a headache. I can see the only other person in the console room now. He's bent over the console, old and in a black suit. Not the dress suit I've seen before, this is different, more rounded?

"You know I have a theory."

Here come the theories and although I do want to know how I keep showing up in different places I really don't want my headache to get any worse.

"I think that when you fall out of the TARDIS you automatically find the closest one because no one can stand being the time vortex for long without a destination unless their in a TARDIS, which explains how I keep finding you in my TARDIS. Somehow, I've never had two of you in here though, and there was the time you didn't appear at all and I found you with Jenny. I still..."

I can't listen to anymore. I feel like my head's going to explode. "Doctor, shut up."

He paused then I saw a moment of enlightenment and his hands rush up to meet his face and back down ready to start talking. "Idiot Doctor,"

"At least you admit it now." I need to find something else to say to annoy him now. Damn.

"You still have the Third Effect in you. You must have a terrible headache."

I would have thought that was obvious from the way I had my head in my hands. "Can you please talk quieter."

"Come on, we've got to get the centipede out of you're head."

He grabs my arm but instead of taking me where the medical room is he takes me up one of the many new staircases. No, the medical room has moved. I wonder where our room is, I could do with a nap.

"Don't go to sleep, I need you to keep your eye open."

"What?" He's got something like a minute pair of tweezers and if I'm right he's going to put them through my eye. No thanks. "Are you sure it has to come out, or is there another way, one that means I won't have needles poking my eye out?" I forget the headache in the hysteria.

"Oh, these? I only need those later. If you can keep one eye open it means I haven't caused you brain damage."

"What!" I screech at him. That's still not a welcoming result.

"Stay still, or do you want to live with that thing in your head for the rest of your life?"

"Maybe I do!"

"Don't be stupid. It may be dead but it's still digesting some of your brain fluid. Leaving it there would mean brain death in two days and actual death in three. I need to get it out now."

Maybe I don't want to live with it then. "Will it hurt?"

"Only when I pull the Third Effect out of your ear."

"How are you going to do this if you're going to hurt to?"

"Quickly. The Third Effect has a metallic metabolism to avoid corrosion when it digests it's victims fluid. I might be able to manipulate that to get it closer to your ear canal so that I can get it with the tweezers."

He finds what I think must be a magnet and begins.

"So how old are you now, you look different." I need to be distracted from what's currently going on inside my brain.

"Of course I do, I regenerated, twice. Do you like it?"

"It's, good. Can I call you Grandad?"

"No."

"But you look like my Grandad."

"Really?"

Is he stupid? Oh, he thinks I mean my actual Grandad.

"No my Grandads were fat. Your all skinny and grey."

"What's wrong with grey?"

"Nothing, it suits you. When you first turned round I thought I was mistaken but you couldn't be anyone else."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sure I've seen this face before. I just can't remember where."

"Ah!" I reach my hand up to my ear, it's bleeding a lot and start to feel queasy. The combination of the pain and the blood is overwhelming. I find some painkillers shoved into my hand. "You could have warned me."

"It should heal in a few days. Now then, would you like to meet Clara? I think you'll like her."

"Actually, I want to know more about me falling out of the TARDIS, because I don't think I'm falling. I think I'm being pushed. What do you see when I fall out?"

"I see my doors being opened and you leaving."

"No, come on, really. What happens? You've got to have looked into it more than that? Like, is there a similarity in the times when I fall out?"

He put on a thinking face. "The first time I saw you older than you were supposed to be, and I scanned you, you knew exactly what the screwdriver was going to say, didn't you. Tell me what you thought it was going to say."

I had no idea where he was going with this. "I thought it was going to say that your DNA was attached to mine."

"and it did, except that DNA was regenerating." I pinched my nose. I knew something was off about the way his younger self was acting. "For years I couldn't understand why that was happening. At the time I guessed that where you'd just come from I was regenerating and it was influencing you're DNA, and now I know that as a fact because I was there. But before,"

"I don't get it." When that happened I thought I was the one with all the answers. I had no idea that I was regenerating. I didn't know it was even possible, but the way he kept checking on me was weird. He kept saying he was checking for a neural implosion. I just thought he was worried because I'd appeared out of nowhere. If I really did fall out of the TARDIS too early to realise he was regenerating then it's no wonder I was, and still am, confused.

"and then I found you in the nunnery, in the right time stream. Before then you had gone missing just before a transport beam caught us. Those were some long months." That must have been when my memory was gone. I had no idea who I was.

"but just now, you're now, I lost you and the TARDIS. The strange part is that it left me behind, went missing and came back without you. The TARDIS can't fly itself, so, what did you do? Try to remember where you when the third effect entered your head."

I thought hard. The place was bright. I think it was an experimental station. There were supposed to be 642 people working there, but there were only five left. Five people alive that is. They had been boarded and the station, which was supposed to be working with plants had been turned into a station where members of different species were abducted, dissected and would either have sections removed or have other aliens parts added. Some people survived, most died. I never found out why there doing such a horrific thing. I was caught. They wanted information before experimenting on me, but I wouldn't give it to them. So, they put the third effect in my head. They said they would take it out if I gave them the information they wanted, but I escaped and rand to the TARDIS. Then I found myself here. The Doctor knew I wouldn't leave the TARDIS unless I was forced to after something like that. I didn't like leaving it anyway until recently. I said all this to the Doctor.

"Then there is one similarity. Every time you went missing you were in imminent danger."

"But that doesn't explain how I go missing, or why I ended up with no memory."

"No, it doesn't, but it's still an exciting discovery, don't you think?"

"Yes, for once I do. What do we do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Absolutely it is it's trying to keep you safe, not harm you. Oh, wait, idiot Doctor."

"What, why idiot Doctor?"

"You had no memory!"

"Which means?"

"A neural breakdown. A neural breakdown. The trip through the time vortex must have caused damage to the part of your brain that holds your memories."

"Then why do I have them now?"

"No idea, unless, of course! With access to my memories through our connection you would have been able to retrieve your own easily, and with the natural instinct that comes from the Mathe everything must have been recovered almost instantly."

"Are you sure we don't just have back up copies of each others memories in our super-conscious?"

"It could be that."

Why did he have to make everything sound so complicated? From that conversation I got a) we can restore our memory using the others back-ups. How? Who cares, we'll find out if we ever need to do it again. It happened. b) There is some mysterious force sending me from a dangerous environment to a less dangerous environment where the Doctor is likely to find me and c) the Doctor couldn't care less what this mysterious force is unless he gets curious or it puts me in danger. So that's the when answered, now I want to know the how, what, why and...

"Doctor, it's the TARDIS!"

"The TARDIS?"

"Every time I went missing, I had to be in the TARDIS. That's how I always end up where you can find me, because she knows when you're going to be there!"

"Why would she do that? How would she do that!"

"To protect you, you idiot."

"She did say she always took me where I needed to go."

"How could she say that?"

"I met her once. Her soul was put in a human body in a pocket universe. No telling."

I was suspicious, the only bit of that I understood of was not to tell a past him that information.


	25. Chapter 25

Change. It's a strange thing but something I've had to endure my entire life, in ways you could only imagine. I've been physically and mentally bruised, only to be put back together again. Put back so completely and without seam that it's almost as though it were never there at all. When I was little I used to hate change, I would refuse to return to somewhere if it had been re-decorated. I was afraid of it. I always thought that if things stayed the same I would be safe. When I grew up a bit things started to change more often. New schools, timetables, friends, everyone deciding they loved each other just so they could say they had someone, so they could say they had done something. I never understood crushes, I never had one. I'd lived in the same house for all twelve years of my life, slept in the same room and had the same friends for as long as I could remember. They even changed to the same high school. Then, after eight years of the most important thing in my life being school things changed more than ever. My friends decided to become stereotypical, my entire house was to be redecorated and, in the process, rebuilt with a completely different landscape on the bottom floor. We had to move out because there was no hot water and the only rooms still standing were full of furniture. My first crush was someone who lived thirty miles from me and I barely knew him. I'd seen him a few times and I knew his family well. I knew his family better than him. My life was falling apart in front of me and I couldn't do a thing about it. And just when I was starting to feel safe my life apart again. A man, who had no legal right to be in my life came back from a long since forgotten past. Not only that but he was following me. That wasn't what the problem was, no the problem was that if I spoke to him I knew everything l'd built up in the past few months would go away again, and I'd have to start all over again. The other problem was that he was never going to go away. So, things changed again. Some changes were similar to one's I'd experienced before. I was changing already, the difference was I wasn't going to be taught about this in school. The others were that I somehow needed to smuggle a man into my life every week without anyone noticing and that I needed to know what the hell this man was, in general. Responsibilities began building up at home, my friendships were dissolving and I ended up missing so much school there wasn't much point going anymore. I hardly ever left the house, until I left permanently. Secrets and lies were now such a large part of my life I couldn't remember one without them. Soon the old life of school, shattered friendships and no prospects became a dream. Instead I had a personal tutor, no responsibilities and a knack for turning up unexpectedly in the strangest of places. Lies had never become more important. My personal tutor was very subjective in what he taught me. Maths was a favourite but English was thrown out of the window along with every other language you can think of. Science was another favourite and never boring, neither was history, although he disagreed with almost everyone who wrote a history book. Music was optional but I took the chance when it was offered. There didn't seem to be structure to any of his lessons and he could end up offering one at any moment. I learnt to live with his quirks and the odd 'companion' he'd pick up out of nowhere. Not that I didn't like them but it got confusing not knowing who I'd met or if I'd met them before and sometimes I had to hide from them so it coincides with my past correctly. A web of lies to the only man in my life, to the others and occasionally myself meant slip ups were inevitable. There was one lie that I couldn't ignore however. It was a lie to myself. I had tried to convince myself that it was a fantasy of long days past, that I didn't know what I felt sometimes and that I'd truly grown up without the knowledge of a human girls puberty. But that wasn't true. I also wished I could deny the fact that the person who these feelings were subjected to had lied when he said he thought of me as a daughter, because to me this was wrong. Completely wrong. Whether the universe had decided this was necessary or not I couldn't believe that humans and time lords were supposed to mate. Because that's exactly what he'd done sixteen years ago, a mating ritual. That was another lie I'd told him. I knew it was a mating ritual, I'd known for years, but I'd let him pretend it wasn't if he wanted. There was something else as well. This was a new change and I'm not sure how it worked. Before, when we used the pressure points it would just relieve us of pain or anxiety, things like that. Now it seems more sensitive. Usually, when I used it I still just wanted to calm him down, except I didn't need to push so hard, but if I'd been feeling, say, needy in the nether regions that day it would make him jump. I think he knows what it is too. Or if I'd been feeling tired he'd fall asleep straight away instead of after a few minutes. He'd sleep for longer if that happened, as well. I couldn't always judge what would happen. It was beginning to be pot luck. I'm sure my skins never been so sensitive either. It's uncomfortable.


End file.
